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Todays Lame Joke

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, Feb 21, 2008.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    This got a laugh out of me.




    DOG DIARY :

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

    11:00 pm - Sleeping on t he bed! My favorite thing!

    CAT DIARY:

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
    hash or some sort of dry nu ggets. Although I make my contempt for the
    rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
    keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
    escape.

    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
    feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
    demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
    condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
    placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
    hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
    due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
    use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
    this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
    seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
    guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
    captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
    safe..... for now.
     
  2. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    hehehe all true
     
  3. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    Man Diary:

    5:45 am-alarm goes off. i contemplate suicide. unfortunately there is nothing sharp within arms reach.

    6:00 am-shower and masturbate. sadly, the highlight of my day.

    6:30 am-eat a bowl of froot loops. yes, kid cereal. reminds me that there is someone eating the same thing that could be happy.

    7:00 am- off to work. i sit and pretend to enjoy my job. daydreaming of a life that doesn't closely resemble my own.

    12:00 pm-choke down dry ham sandwich and banana. yay for sack lunches.

    5:00 pm- sit in traffic for 90 minutes. this would be fun if i had a 50mm gun bolted to the roof of my camry.

    7:00 pm- watch laguna beach wishing i could anger bang one of the snotty little sluts.

    9:00 pm- shit, drink a beer, take 4 tylenol pm.

    9:10 pm- pass out.

    repeat 9 hours later.
     
  4. Taco15

    Taco15 I wear stretchy pants VIP

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    Nice that got me laughing.
     
  5. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Nicks is far more accurate.
     
  6. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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  7. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    bwahaha those were both awesome..but the anger banging of a laguna beach snot..is the greatest,,they deserve a good banging
     
  8. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

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    This happened my freshman year.

    Crystal-(banging on the wall from the room next door) It's 4 in the morning!!! SHUT UP!!!
    Pat- Is she serious? It's Friday. (returns to loud behavior).

    Crystal-(Now knocking on the door which is opened) Are you guys serious? I'm trying to sleep. Can you please be quiet?
    Pat- Look, how about this, I'll bang the shit out of you and you lighten the fuck up. What do you think of that?
    Crystal-(astonished look).
    Pat-Guess not (Slams door in her face).
     
  9. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

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    Anger bangs ftw.
     
  10. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Any bang ftw, idiot.
     
  11. George777

    George777 ^^ Likes Bewbies

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    :withstupid:
     
  12. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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  13. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    that was lame ass.
     
  14. INJEN78

    INJEN78 HS LEGEND

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    haha this is true but anger bangs are the greatest....cuz then you can just smash the hell out of them..and if they complain,,tell them to shut the fuck up and stab em harder!!1:D
     
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