1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Todays Lame Joke

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, Sep 24, 2012.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

    Messages:
    21,056
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Location:
    NY
    BEER AND SWEET TEA

    A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue .
    Doctor: "What happened?"

    Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes
    home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up."

    Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes
    home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start
    swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and
    swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
    Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
    reborn.

    Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came
    home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and
    swished, and he didn't touch me!"

    Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
     
  2. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

    Messages:
    21,449
    Likes Received:
    2,110
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Location:
    CT
    :/
     
  3. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

    Messages:
    9,392
    Likes Received:
    245
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Location:
    New Jersey
    I've heard it before. I chuckled though.
     
  4. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    30,019
    Likes Received:
    3,948
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    CT
  5. jamesA

    jamesA Well known pissed off telephone guy VIP

    Messages:
    16,118
    Likes Received:
    1,016
    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2003
  6. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

    Messages:
    24,577
    Likes Received:
    696
    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Location:
    Central, MA
  7. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

    Messages:
    9,392
    Likes Received:
    245
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Long read, but I found this yesterday. Pretty entertaining.

     
  8. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

    Messages:
    21,449
    Likes Received:
    2,110
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Location:
    CT
    that couldn't be any more fake.

    a company would never slander another like that in a letter.
    and miller is short for milluakke, not some guys last name.
     
  9. SlushboxTeggy

    SlushboxTeggy It's only stupid if it doesn't work VIP

    Messages:
    9,392
    Likes Received:
    245
    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Location:
    New Jersey
    I guess that's why actual is in quotations. Still funny though. As long as you realize it's all swill to begin with.
     
  10. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    30,019
    Likes Received:
    3,948
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    MillerCoors: Age Verification


    :rolleyes:
     
  11. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

    Messages:
    21,056
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Location:
    NY
  12. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

    Messages:
    21,449
    Likes Received:
    2,110
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Location:
    CT
    well i'll be damned....

    lol
     
  13. dc4dude

    dc4dude Member

    Messages:
    904
    Likes Received:
    17
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2008
    Location:
    chicago, il
  14. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

    Messages:
    21,056
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Location:
    NY
    There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat.
    Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So he asked them "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children.
    "Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the children shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!" The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in the very back of the bus, all by himself.
    Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went to class. Class proceeded normally. The students did the pledge of allegiance and worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then the teacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really paying attention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the Purple Wombat.
    Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked "Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm "Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man!"
    So Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to the principal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, and timidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, sat the principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thin moustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough to frighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost to tears.
    "Well, Billy" he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?" "Mr Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's been acting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher just sent me to you and stuff".
    "Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-PAL, after all. Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?" "It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is". "What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am calling your mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended!"
    The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home. Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother was standing in the doorway waiting for him.
    "Billy!" she called, sobbing "I was so worried about you! What happened?" "Mummy!" cried Billy "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in the back of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what the Purple Wombat is!"
    "What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked. "Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!"
    So Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed, crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doors shutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talking downstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and his door opened.
    "Billy" his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother says you've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?" "Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!" "You... don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you can just stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!" Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on his bed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way - lying there, crying, wishing he would wake up.
    Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy". Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice, but he could not. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy".
    It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat". Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy".
    The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy".
    Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he kept falling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But he kept going, driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy". Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the town lake. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy".
    It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboats from the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, it was very difficult. But he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy".
    The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, and the boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way across the lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy".
    It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood up to look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned.
    The moral of the story? Don't stand up in a boat.
     
  15. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

    Messages:
    21,449
    Likes Received:
    2,110
    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Location:
    CT
    that was way too long for such few laugh
     
  16. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

    Messages:
    21,056
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2002
    Location:
    NY
  17. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    7,402
    Likes Received:
    626
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Location:
    Tn
    fuck you, you bastard. i want that wasted time back.
     
  18. dc4dude

    dc4dude Member

    Messages:
    904
    Likes Received:
    17
    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2008
    Location:
    chicago, il
    So im going to be THAT guy and ask... What was the purple wombat???? Lol
     
  19. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    7,402
    Likes Received:
    626
    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Location:
    Tn
    the purple wombat was an imaginary penis that showed itself to little kids at night time.
    and, like puberty, if it didnt happen by a certain age, you were an outcast.
    nobody liked you.

    then, it drowns you by pushing you out of a fucking boat if you cant handle the girth.
     
  20. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    30,019
    Likes Received:
    3,948
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    [​IMG][​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page