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Todays :lame: joke

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, May 24, 2006.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    There was an old man named Leo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn't know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.

    "Anywhere I go, she goes."

    "I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we'll take good care of her." So Leo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.

    ''Great!'' replied Leo. ''How much do I have to pay?'' he asks.

    ''One thousand dollars for the food.''

    ''But I haven't touched the food."

    ''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV."

    ''But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''

    ''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed."

    ''But I slept on the floor!''

    ''It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars."

    ''You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.''

    ''But sir, I didn't screw your donkey.''

    ''It was there. You should have!''

    __________________________________________________________________________

    Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley, on his way home from work at City Hall, came to a dead halt in traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's moving at all."

    He noticed a State Trooper walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, I'm Mayor Richard M. Daley, what's the problem; what's holding everything up."

    The trooper replied, "It's the Reverend Jackson. He's so depressed about the thought of everyone knowing about his extra-martial affair and his illegitimate child, that he stopped his car in the middle of the Dan Ryan Expressway and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says the country and his congregation are blaming him for his infidelity and doesn't know if he can live with the shame and embarrassment. The people in the halted cars along the expressway are taking up a collection for him."

    "Oh really," replied Mayor Daley. "How much have they collected for the Reverend Jackson so far?"

    "About 300 gallons," said the trooper, "but they are still siphoning"
    _________________________________________________________________________________

    An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then hangs up.

    The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.

    She calls her father and yells, “You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a single thing, do you hear me?”

    The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, “It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they’re paying their own way!”
     
  2. BodyDroppedNikes

    BodyDroppedNikes ...PENDEJO.... VIP

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    caught in a mosh...
    lol
     
  3. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

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    [​IMG] Good ones recked. I enjoyed them all.
     
  4. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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  5. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    keep the anger under control mr mirage...

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    BUCHAREST, Romania - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said on Monday.

    It said 67-year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

    “I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it.”
     
  6. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    oh come on, you gotta know what your penis feels like in your hands :)
     
  7. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    maybe his cock has feathers? [​IMG]
     
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