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today's stupid joke

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    >A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a

    >"handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She
    >went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any
    >odd jobs for her to do.
    >
    >"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much
    >will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
    >
    >The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need
    >were in the garage.
    >
    >The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she
    >realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
    >
    >He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
    >
    >The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those
    >'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
    >
    >A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    >
    >You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and
    >I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
    >
    >Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to
    >her.
    >
    >And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
     
  2. B16RacerN2NR

    B16RacerN2NR Working Hard VIP

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    it was ok...go change Lexus to Lotus B)
     
  3. Citizen_Insane

    Citizen_Insane Senior Member

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  4. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, getting blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, calling for help. A well dressed, attractive, and serious young woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, calmly folds her paper and puts it on the counter. She gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy`s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first, and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boys testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat without saying a word. As soon as he is sure the boy is alright, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I`ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?". "No", the woman replied, "Divorce Attorney".
     
  5. Citizen_Insane

    Citizen_Insane Senior Member

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  6. CRX-YEM

    CRX-YEM Super Moderator Moderator VIP

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    That's so old and the line ">And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."" should be ">And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Porsche."
     
  7. wildbillhatchbac

    wildbillhatchbac the OG VIP

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    werd



    ok heres another


    So it was a night in 1957 and a nice young man goes to pick up his date in his car. He gets to the house and the father says "Sue isn't ready yet but come on in". so he sits down and talks to her father. The father asks what the are going to do. The boy tells him "maybe go out for a milk shake and fries or catch a movie at the drive-in" Then father says "why don't you go out and screw i hear all the kids are doing it now" the boy is a little nervous by this but the father goes on "i'm sure she would enjoy it, my wife says she really likes to screw and was looking forward do it on her next date". By now Sue is ready and the two of them head out the door for an evening of fun. just a minute later Sue rushing back in the house yelling "it's the TWIST dad the TWIST" :lol:
     
  8. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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  9. Havok

    Havok Senior Member

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    If I had some empty Killian's bottles nearby, I would throw them in your general direction. Just terrible.
     
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