Celerity
Well-Known Member
Hello dingbats,
It's time for a fireside chat with your ol' uncle Cel.
I know a lot of you.... some of you.... like one dude wanted Celerity's take on buying a house - The good bad and ugly. Well here it is.
First thing, I need to tell you - That you need to take everything that everyone says about buying a house and throw it out the window. In fact, at the end of this thread, I want you to throw out what I have to say as well - Just for good measure. Because home owners and those that have recently purchased a home have brain damage. Below I will list the top reasons, faulty logic, and flat out horseshit that everyone has shovelled on me throughout the process.
1: Owning a home means you won't be paying someone else's mortgage, making their credit great, and allowing them to live on a tropical island, getting blowjobs and having a jolly time on your dime.
2: Owning a home means you can do whatever you want. You can have your cars sitting on the side of your garage and no one can tell you that you "have too many hondas" or "make too much noise" or "Make the place look like a used car lot"
3: Owning a home is cheaper than renting, really.
4: The amount of money to get into a home is the same as the amount of money to get into an apartment - first, last, and 1 month's security.
5: You can get into a house for nothing down.
6: If you get a house, you're in control
All of these things, and more, are complete lies and flat out donkey shit. Allow me to explain why, one by one:
1: Renting doesn't do much of anything for your credit. But neither does owning a home. Owning a home gets you credit cards and loans and shit because your house is on the line, and people (Credit companies) will only come after you because they see that you have something to lose - Something that they try desperately to take away from you. They WANT YOU to default on these loans. Thats why everyone will give a home owner a loan. Buying a house doesn't improve your credit. In fact, it worsens your credit quite a bit - The end result is higher credit because you pay your shit on time like the Pope on Sunday because as I stated earlier, you have something to lose and everyone wants to fuck you out of it. A bum is penniless, a homeowner can be negative thousands with the blink of an eye. Think about that.
2: Owning a home gives you less options than renting. Yeah yeah your landlord says you can't have your 8 cars at the house. Mine told me that too. But when I signed the lease guess what I brought with me. 4 cars. It took about 6 months for him to realise that my shit is actually nice, and after giving him free oil changes and fixing his van for no money, he now calls me to ask what kind of exciting deals I got this month. Owning a home means that you have to keep up appearances and make your house look tidy and neat. Because if you don't it hits you in the pocket more than any hollow "I'll end the lease" threat ever could. If your house is the one with a car sitting out front for 3 days you'll get all sorts of letters in the mail, knocks on the door, and flat-out warrants for you to get rid of whatever unsightly car you own. Any neighbor can do this, in any neighborhood at any time. If you live in the country or somewhere really rural, then you don't have to worry about this - But then again, I'm willing to bet you didn't when you rented either.
3: Renting a home is cheaper. In a month by month sense. And it's important that when preparing for your big move that you manage to put as much in your bank account at the end of every month as you can. That's because when you decide to rent a home, you have to go through a formula to calculate what you can charge. That formula is always below your mortgage payment. You refi to bring down your payment in the hopes of matching your rental formula, and adjust as you can. Why ? Because I can't rent anything for $2000 a month, just can't. No one will pay it. If you know someone that rents a house or something for $2000 a month you know they are stupid, and their landlord saw them coming and snapped on a rubber glove. If the house you are renting was purchased during the real estate boom, forget about it - It's more profitable to burn it down, pay capital gains, whatever - over renting. In about 4 years I predict that home rentals will be a thing of the past. I'll get to how to pay little for a house in a bit.
4: By all counts, everytime I have done this, and with every mortgage I have ever seen or worked with - If you wish to buy a house you should have $50,000 in hand for every $250,000 you spend. Of course, no one can do this - so instead with just about every home deal the closing costs and downpayments are built into the loan.
5: Know what that means ? That means that when you go with a "no closing cost" loan, you end up financing about $15,000 (Which after a minimal amount of interest comes out to $55,000) Banks NEVER lose. Lets say you get a nice low or no closing cost loan (again, I'll show you how in a bit) - Your moving expenses are still there. You will need $2000 to $2500 for costs outside of the loan (Legal fees, inspection, reports, even overnight shipping fees). The costs don't end at closing either. They keep going (That's why a mortgage gives you the first month to not pay - to get caught up with the expenses of moving)
6: When you get a house, everything controls YOU. Thought you had more free ability to work on cars ? Guess again ! In order to make the investment work for you, you have to care for the house in ways you never thought. Like going to homedepot and walking past the bolt aisle into the gardening aisle looking for the perfect perrenial to keep the assholes next door off your back for devaluing their house. Or building a fence to hide your pile of tires behind the barn. Or lining blocks around your driveway to make the busted watertable up the street stop flooding your basement after a good rain. You start to look at your own cars as junk (Brian ? Ring a bell ?) and realise that you can't have a project CRX sitting around anymore because you have either better things to do, or need to upgrade to maintain appearances. (And this isn't a shitty thing - After a while, your appearances will become important to you - The look of your house = DOLLARS)
That's just the beginning of the fun you'll have. Now allow me to be more accurate with the process:
1: Buying and owning a home is much like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end.
2: There is no 2.
(Important note for Elitests)You don't want to change your lifestyle, habits and thinking - but it will change. It'll change without you knowing it. Or if you do notice the change, you'll realise that what I'm saying is totally accurate. And that's not a bad thing. Even for my hobby (cars cars cars !) I plan on finishing the NX and the Vega and selling come summer to get one project to concentrate on. A project that isn't such a "huh?" kinda project. I'll get into something more common like a kit car, dune buddy or rat rod. Lots of people (Observe them) turn to Harleys. They do this because they can continue their hobby without the stigma of being a wrench monkey. Look at Noah, Brian, Clayton, Steve - All people who have changed their attitudes and personal tastes since they got a home. They each have tools showcased instead of laid about, they moved away from Hondas and into higher classes of cars not because they have shunned turning a wrench - but because they now integrate their lives wholly. We called them turncoats - they aren't turncoats, they are just less free to build fun stuff now !
And so am I !
So Cel has phrased what is going on around us in a different light, lemme now tell you how it's all possible, and what means what.
First off, buying a home is awesome. And it sucks at the same time. America's economy is based on Real Estate - It is how we are the richest country in the world. Home ownership is an investment that outranks all other investments in the short and long term - if you play your cards right. First we'll discuss what kind of house to look for.
Most people go WAY wrong here. There is a term out there.. called "Starter home". A starter home is just that. When you want to get into real estate, you get a starter home. Just like a starter deck of Magic: The Gathering. You can go out and buy a $200 deck and still get your ass kicked by a simple starter deck. Ownership is like this. The heart of this is simple: Stop getting all butthurt and jealous because someone you know has a bigger house. Even if you CAN afford a huge house, you're wasting your time in getting one. Think Tortoise and the Hare. A Cheap house will get you your dream house in 10 years, an expensive house will get you your dream house in 20 years, and your dream house right off the bat will wind you up in bankrupcy eating out of dumpsters (Even celebrities get caught on this one) When you buy a house you should consider two things: What are your family plans for the next 6 years and what kind of improvements can you REALLY do ? If you can't do house work (And hey, I barely can) then a smaller house, but one in mint shape, is totally the best idea. If you can do some electrical, maybe a new roof, or build an addition or deck - then get something that allows you to do that. If you don't know what a 20 on center 12 pitch roof with rubber sheeting and rollover gutters is, don't get a handyman's special. Buy what you can handle, not only financially but physically. And for god's sake, if you get a cheaper house you'll be out of that cheaper house, with money in your pocket for a better house, sooner than you would be in a mediocre house. It's simply better planning.
For price, maxing out what you can afford is fucking stupid. Like retarded DEET DEE DEE stupid. You know how I know it's stupid ? Remember those people that want to loan you money because they want you to default on the loan ? THEY SUGGEST IT. Everything that the realtor suggests, the mortgage company suggests, or .. shit.. ANYONE recommends they recommend because it will line their pockets and get you in shit trouble quicker than any other option. That's why like.. half.. of america is foreclosing this year. Because everyone was told they were approved for a $400,000 loan, took it, and found out they were suckered. Just like any investiment portfolio, for your money to work you have to diversify - the more money is tied into your home the LESS MONEY YOU WILL MAKE. Houses are a great investment, but the slightest thing goes wrong (You skip ONE payment) and everything is gone. Keep your money, and put it in a bank, a CD or money market. Get a size and price house that you can live in, and make the most of come time to sell. (This is also why home owners get rid of their Import sport compacts.. it's a losing financial proposition)(Think I'm full of it ? Get a 98 Civic, load it full of $10,000 worth of electronics and rare JDM goodies, and then get a 98 Civic, strip it, put it on a trailer and paint a huge number 6 on the door - Which do you think will sell for $10,000?)
I'm gonna stop here briefly. One, for a cigarrette, two, to not lose this post and thirdly to give you some time to read it. I'll be back.
-> Steve
It's time for a fireside chat with your ol' uncle Cel.
I know a lot of you.... some of you.... like one dude wanted Celerity's take on buying a house - The good bad and ugly. Well here it is.
First thing, I need to tell you - That you need to take everything that everyone says about buying a house and throw it out the window. In fact, at the end of this thread, I want you to throw out what I have to say as well - Just for good measure. Because home owners and those that have recently purchased a home have brain damage. Below I will list the top reasons, faulty logic, and flat out horseshit that everyone has shovelled on me throughout the process.
1: Owning a home means you won't be paying someone else's mortgage, making their credit great, and allowing them to live on a tropical island, getting blowjobs and having a jolly time on your dime.
2: Owning a home means you can do whatever you want. You can have your cars sitting on the side of your garage and no one can tell you that you "have too many hondas" or "make too much noise" or "Make the place look like a used car lot"
3: Owning a home is cheaper than renting, really.
4: The amount of money to get into a home is the same as the amount of money to get into an apartment - first, last, and 1 month's security.
5: You can get into a house for nothing down.
6: If you get a house, you're in control
All of these things, and more, are complete lies and flat out donkey shit. Allow me to explain why, one by one:
1: Renting doesn't do much of anything for your credit. But neither does owning a home. Owning a home gets you credit cards and loans and shit because your house is on the line, and people (Credit companies) will only come after you because they see that you have something to lose - Something that they try desperately to take away from you. They WANT YOU to default on these loans. Thats why everyone will give a home owner a loan. Buying a house doesn't improve your credit. In fact, it worsens your credit quite a bit - The end result is higher credit because you pay your shit on time like the Pope on Sunday because as I stated earlier, you have something to lose and everyone wants to fuck you out of it. A bum is penniless, a homeowner can be negative thousands with the blink of an eye. Think about that.
2: Owning a home gives you less options than renting. Yeah yeah your landlord says you can't have your 8 cars at the house. Mine told me that too. But when I signed the lease guess what I brought with me. 4 cars. It took about 6 months for him to realise that my shit is actually nice, and after giving him free oil changes and fixing his van for no money, he now calls me to ask what kind of exciting deals I got this month. Owning a home means that you have to keep up appearances and make your house look tidy and neat. Because if you don't it hits you in the pocket more than any hollow "I'll end the lease" threat ever could. If your house is the one with a car sitting out front for 3 days you'll get all sorts of letters in the mail, knocks on the door, and flat-out warrants for you to get rid of whatever unsightly car you own. Any neighbor can do this, in any neighborhood at any time. If you live in the country or somewhere really rural, then you don't have to worry about this - But then again, I'm willing to bet you didn't when you rented either.
3: Renting a home is cheaper. In a month by month sense. And it's important that when preparing for your big move that you manage to put as much in your bank account at the end of every month as you can. That's because when you decide to rent a home, you have to go through a formula to calculate what you can charge. That formula is always below your mortgage payment. You refi to bring down your payment in the hopes of matching your rental formula, and adjust as you can. Why ? Because I can't rent anything for $2000 a month, just can't. No one will pay it. If you know someone that rents a house or something for $2000 a month you know they are stupid, and their landlord saw them coming and snapped on a rubber glove. If the house you are renting was purchased during the real estate boom, forget about it - It's more profitable to burn it down, pay capital gains, whatever - over renting. In about 4 years I predict that home rentals will be a thing of the past. I'll get to how to pay little for a house in a bit.
4: By all counts, everytime I have done this, and with every mortgage I have ever seen or worked with - If you wish to buy a house you should have $50,000 in hand for every $250,000 you spend. Of course, no one can do this - so instead with just about every home deal the closing costs and downpayments are built into the loan.
5: Know what that means ? That means that when you go with a "no closing cost" loan, you end up financing about $15,000 (Which after a minimal amount of interest comes out to $55,000) Banks NEVER lose. Lets say you get a nice low or no closing cost loan (again, I'll show you how in a bit) - Your moving expenses are still there. You will need $2000 to $2500 for costs outside of the loan (Legal fees, inspection, reports, even overnight shipping fees). The costs don't end at closing either. They keep going (That's why a mortgage gives you the first month to not pay - to get caught up with the expenses of moving)
6: When you get a house, everything controls YOU. Thought you had more free ability to work on cars ? Guess again ! In order to make the investment work for you, you have to care for the house in ways you never thought. Like going to homedepot and walking past the bolt aisle into the gardening aisle looking for the perfect perrenial to keep the assholes next door off your back for devaluing their house. Or building a fence to hide your pile of tires behind the barn. Or lining blocks around your driveway to make the busted watertable up the street stop flooding your basement after a good rain. You start to look at your own cars as junk (Brian ? Ring a bell ?) and realise that you can't have a project CRX sitting around anymore because you have either better things to do, or need to upgrade to maintain appearances. (And this isn't a shitty thing - After a while, your appearances will become important to you - The look of your house = DOLLARS)
That's just the beginning of the fun you'll have. Now allow me to be more accurate with the process:
1: Buying and owning a home is much like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end.
2: There is no 2.
(Important note for Elitests)You don't want to change your lifestyle, habits and thinking - but it will change. It'll change without you knowing it. Or if you do notice the change, you'll realise that what I'm saying is totally accurate. And that's not a bad thing. Even for my hobby (cars cars cars !) I plan on finishing the NX and the Vega and selling come summer to get one project to concentrate on. A project that isn't such a "huh?" kinda project. I'll get into something more common like a kit car, dune buddy or rat rod. Lots of people (Observe them) turn to Harleys. They do this because they can continue their hobby without the stigma of being a wrench monkey. Look at Noah, Brian, Clayton, Steve - All people who have changed their attitudes and personal tastes since they got a home. They each have tools showcased instead of laid about, they moved away from Hondas and into higher classes of cars not because they have shunned turning a wrench - but because they now integrate their lives wholly. We called them turncoats - they aren't turncoats, they are just less free to build fun stuff now !
And so am I !
So Cel has phrased what is going on around us in a different light, lemme now tell you how it's all possible, and what means what.
First off, buying a home is awesome. And it sucks at the same time. America's economy is based on Real Estate - It is how we are the richest country in the world. Home ownership is an investment that outranks all other investments in the short and long term - if you play your cards right. First we'll discuss what kind of house to look for.
Most people go WAY wrong here. There is a term out there.. called "Starter home". A starter home is just that. When you want to get into real estate, you get a starter home. Just like a starter deck of Magic: The Gathering. You can go out and buy a $200 deck and still get your ass kicked by a simple starter deck. Ownership is like this. The heart of this is simple: Stop getting all butthurt and jealous because someone you know has a bigger house. Even if you CAN afford a huge house, you're wasting your time in getting one. Think Tortoise and the Hare. A Cheap house will get you your dream house in 10 years, an expensive house will get you your dream house in 20 years, and your dream house right off the bat will wind you up in bankrupcy eating out of dumpsters (Even celebrities get caught on this one) When you buy a house you should consider two things: What are your family plans for the next 6 years and what kind of improvements can you REALLY do ? If you can't do house work (And hey, I barely can) then a smaller house, but one in mint shape, is totally the best idea. If you can do some electrical, maybe a new roof, or build an addition or deck - then get something that allows you to do that. If you don't know what a 20 on center 12 pitch roof with rubber sheeting and rollover gutters is, don't get a handyman's special. Buy what you can handle, not only financially but physically. And for god's sake, if you get a cheaper house you'll be out of that cheaper house, with money in your pocket for a better house, sooner than you would be in a mediocre house. It's simply better planning.
For price, maxing out what you can afford is fucking stupid. Like retarded DEET DEE DEE stupid. You know how I know it's stupid ? Remember those people that want to loan you money because they want you to default on the loan ? THEY SUGGEST IT. Everything that the realtor suggests, the mortgage company suggests, or .. shit.. ANYONE recommends they recommend because it will line their pockets and get you in shit trouble quicker than any other option. That's why like.. half.. of america is foreclosing this year. Because everyone was told they were approved for a $400,000 loan, took it, and found out they were suckered. Just like any investiment portfolio, for your money to work you have to diversify - the more money is tied into your home the LESS MONEY YOU WILL MAKE. Houses are a great investment, but the slightest thing goes wrong (You skip ONE payment) and everything is gone. Keep your money, and put it in a bank, a CD or money market. Get a size and price house that you can live in, and make the most of come time to sell. (This is also why home owners get rid of their Import sport compacts.. it's a losing financial proposition)(Think I'm full of it ? Get a 98 Civic, load it full of $10,000 worth of electronics and rare JDM goodies, and then get a 98 Civic, strip it, put it on a trailer and paint a huge number 6 on the door - Which do you think will sell for $10,000?)
I'm gonna stop here briefly. One, for a cigarrette, two, to not lose this post and thirdly to give you some time to read it. I'll be back.
-> Steve
Last edited: