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Vampire Parrots: A Monday Morning Chat

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Celerity, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Sep 11, 2003
    (09:54:32) ED-: have you heard about our vampire parrots?
    (09:54:38) Etienne Earl: Ummmmm
    (09:54:41) Etienne Earl: I would say no
    (09:54:54) ED-: they attack sheep and eat the fat around their kidneys
    (09:55:02) Etienne Earl: Link, please
    (09:55:02) ED-: while they're still alive
    (09:55:05) ED-: This, of course, already happens to our famous kea: the mountain parrot. An entertaining bird, much admired for its plumage and cheeky disposition. However, high country farmers somewhat less admire it. The kea developed a taste for the fat surrounding the kidney of a sheep. After an attack, blood poisoning would inevitably kill the sheep. The farmer inevitably would kill the kea, but consider this: the sheep is worth at best $150, the kea to a bird fancier in Europe: $30,000.
    (09:55:31) ED-: I had to sift through some asshole's speech to find that
    (09:55:34) Etienne Earl: "Cheeky disposition"
    (09:55:45) ED-: yeah
    (09:55:47) Etienne Earl: "You cheeky bastard"
    (09:55:58) ED-: if you park your car up at a ski-field
    (09:56:01) ED-: they literally take it apart
    (09:56:09) Etienne Earl: who ? the birds ?
    (09:56:13) ED-: yup
    (09:56:27) ED-: they're big green parrots that have the IQ of a 5 year old
    (09:56:46) ED-: you come back and you might as well ahve parked in the bronx
    (09:57:10) Etienne Earl: Kea - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    (09:57:14) ED-: they pull off the aerials, doorhandles, radiator grille (if you have one), the seal around the windscreen
    (09:58:28) ED-: if I could get these to europe
    (09:58:34) Etienne Earl: they are protected species ?!
    (09:58:43) Etienne Earl: I would unleash them on Europe
    (09:58:44) ED-: well you're not supposed to shoot them
    (09:59:27) ED-: so yes, they're protected. most things should be except the introduced pests
    (10:00:19) Etienne Earl: it's funny to see Parrots in snow
    (10:00:26) Etienne Earl: our Parrots started from domestics
    (10:00:29) Etienne Earl: and are alien here
    (10:00:34) Etienne Earl: they aren't pests though
    (10:00:43) ED-: these ones live in the snow as far as I'm aware
    (10:00:57) ED-: tehy're big
    (10:01:00) ED-: and walk like creeps
    (10:01:06) Etienne Earl: I wonder if you can teach them to talk as well
    (10:01:28) Etienne Earl: "I'm gonna cut you" "I'll fuck you up" "Give me the keys!"
    (10:01:36) ED-: I'd say it'd be easy if you got a baby one
    (10:01:38) ED-: heheheh
    (10:02:02) Etienne Earl: train about 20 of them with threats and euphamisms, let them go in the wild to continue their knowledge
    (10:02:23) Etienne Earl: give them enough broken english to threaten people's lives and buy concert tickets
    (10:03:02) Etienne Earl: because Moby needs to be mauled by a group of ill-tempered - nay - "Cheeky Disposition" Parrots
    (10:04:15) ED-: the whole mugging aspect is a pretty good idea
    (10:04:21) ED-: they could also scalp the tickets
    (10:04:58) Etienne Earl: "Hey, arsehole... why pay for those tickets"
    (10:04:59) Etienne Earl: "meatbag"
    (10:05:11) Etienne Earl: "Yo niggah got a sheep I can hold?"
    (10:05:38) ED-: "hold"
    (10:05:52) Etienne Earl: All ebonics are 100x funnier when spoken in Parrot screeches and whistles
    (10:05:59) ED-: talk about a euphemism
    (10:06:20) ED-: my cockatiel never said a word
    (10:06:23) ED-: up until the age of 12
    (10:06:32) Etienne Earl: when he finally learned "Hey, you smell gas"
    (10:07:00) ED-: ahah. no, his final demise was a cat who climbed in through a window
    (10:07:19) ED-: he survived 3 near drownings and a fractured leg
    (10:07:30) Etienne Earl: "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT <Muffled screeching><MUFFLED whistling>"
    (10:08:10) ED-: the $400 green parrot that my youngest brother had spoke garbled nonsense
    (10:08:11) Etienne Earl: "ED! CRAWWWWK ! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT FUCKIN CAT ! SQWAU !"
    (10:08:25) ED-: that was traumatic!
    (10:08:27) Etienne Earl: and Bjork was there to pick up the pieces
    (10:08:53) ED-: jose cuervo was
    (10:08:58) Etienne Earl: "OH this accident that happpeneed follow the dots! Coincidence! Makes sense ! Only with YOOOO OOO WOOO"
    (10:09:19) Etienne Earl: "SQUAWK!"
    (10:09:25) ED-: I've onyl got one of her albums
    (10:09:55) Etienne Earl: "Big time senusality!" " CAW"
    (10:10:01) ED-: a lot of them are too harpie sounding
    (10:10:27) Etienne Earl: I can picture Bjork perched ontop of a car pulling the window gaskets out with her beak
    (10:10:45) Etienne Earl: flashing nasty looks when the owner comes back
    (10:11:11) Etienne Earl: "MEATBAG! SQUAWK !" "CAW ! Where's Moby?!"
  2. phyregod

    phyregod !!YTINASNI

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    Jun 11, 2005
    Central Texas

    Now gimme your wallet! Bawk!
  3. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Sep 11, 2003
    Etienne Earl: did you know that Paris Hilton had a Kinkajou
    (12:08:44) ED-: a what?
    (12:08:54) Etienne Earl: it ran amok at a fashion show and an awards ceremony
    (12:08:57) Etienne Earl: and it bit her head
    (12:09:06) Etienne Earl: and she would call out "has anyone seen my monkey?!"
    Etienne Earl: and she actually said, and I quote "It's a Kincajou. It's half monkey, half bear and half raccoon"
    (12:10:09) Etienne Earl: She was found out by California authorities and then it was gone.
    (12:10:22) Etienne Earl: news crews and celebrity documenters have no idea where it is
    (12:10:27) ED-: hahaha
    (12:10:37) ED-: what the hell
    (12:10:44) Etienne Earl: I saw that last night
    (12:10:47) Etienne Earl: TV is catching up to me
    (12:10:51) ED-: "I heard it eats magnets"
    (12:11:00) ED-: "I heard that instead of a mouth, it has 4 assholes"
    (12:13:40) ED-: if I was rich like paris, I'd have a fortress guarded by silverback gorillas and kodiak bears, on PCP
    (12:14:03) Etienne Earl: That only backed off their attacks with a blow on a special whistle
    (12:14:29) Etienne Earl: .. But that whistle brought in the parrots
    (12:14:32) ED-: they'd be physically incapable of backing down
    (12:14:40) Etienne Earl: who would certainly finish them off and then strip their car for parts
    (12:14:42) ED-: and they'd absorb bullets like a zombie
  4. Dustin_m

    Dustin_m Active Member

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    May 21, 2003
    San Diego, CA
    that is wierd. and who are you in that convo?
  5. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    Dec 5, 2002
  6. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Sep 11, 2003
    Etienne = Steve
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