Velveeta joke
- Thread starter Celerity
- Start date
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The Seven Dwarves are visiting the Vatican for some midget holiday,and Doc walks up to the Pope and asks: "Hey, Pope, Do you have any 3 foot nuns working around here?" The Pope scratches his head, thinks about it for a minute, and says: "No, my son, I don't believe we do." All of a sudden, six of the dwarves bust out laughing, slapping their little thighs, falling all over each other, just cracking up. The Pope, confused, asks why. They start chanting: "Dopey did a penguin! Dopey did a penguin!"
A man starts his first day of his new job: driving the short bus. He pulls up to the first stop to witness an extremely overweight girl holding a metal lunch box. He opens the door, and she lumbers on to the bus, grunting with each step.
"Hey what's your name?" he inquires.
"I'm Patty" she bellows with a hoarse gutteral tone.
"Well Patty, have a seat, and lets get going"
"Okay" she makes his voice sound like a small girl.
As patty makes her way to her seat, she takes in all the Sesame Street decorations that are adorning the inside of the bus. After situating herself in the seat, the driver makes his way to the next stop. Upon pulling up and stopping, he absent-mindedly opens the door, only to have an eery sensation of deja vu creep over him. As the porky female lumbers onto the bus, he checks the mirror to ensure he has not lost his mind. Yet there patty sits, staring blankly at a picture of Big Bird.
"I'm Patty" the new girl blurts out, snapping him from his trance.
"Ooooookay" he hesitantly replies "why don't you find a seat".
She lumbers down the aisle and plops down next to the first patty and they both begin to chuckle with a deep huh, huh.
The driver shakes it off and proceeds to the next stop. Before he can get the door open all the way, a small boy races onto the bus with a grin on his face.
"Whoah there, what's your name son?"
"I'mSpecialRuss" the boy excitedly slurred out.
"Uh, why do they call you 'Special Russ'?"
"BecauseI'mspecial stupid"
"Fair enough" he replied, "have a seat, Russ"
Russ was obviously very hyperactive and was racing up and down the aisle excited by the decorations. The driver had to get up to seat him, and keep a close watch to make sure he stayed in his seat.
At the fourth stop, he was greeted by a shabby looking kid with dirty clothes and no shoes. As the kid stepped onto his bus, the first thing he noticed was the awful smell that followed his latest passenger onboard.
"Mff" the driver tried not to breath as he addressed the newcomer "what's your name?"
"I'm Lester Cheeks" he slanged out with a southern drawl "howdy do"
"I'm fine, please, just sit down" the driver managed before being forced to turn and stick his head out the window for a gasp of palatable atmosphere. When he turned back, to his dismay, Lester had situated himself in the seat directly behind him.
"Fuckin great" he thought to himself "thank god that's the last stop."
As he made his way down the road towards the school, Lester propped his feet up on the bar directly behind the drivers head and proceeded to pick at the bunions on the bottom of his feet.
The driver was horrified at the smell that singed his nostrils and turned his stomach, but had other issues to attend to. The first Patty was bashing the second Patty over the head with her lunch pail, while the second Patty guffawed with every blow. Russ was now climbing over and under the seats and moving up and down the center aisle.
"Patty! Stop hitting Patty with your lunch box!"
"Russ! Sit down and stay seated!"
"Lester! For the love of god, put your feet down!"
In all the distraction, the driver failed to see a red light ahead and blew through it. As the bus entered the intersection, the driver saw a large semi truck out of the corner of his eye, bearing down at full speed. In a flash the bus was T-boned and all everything went black.
The driver is awakened by paramedics to find himself strapped to a stretcher. One of the paramedics inquired, "What the hell happened? Why didn't you stop?"
"Big Mac" was all the driver could utter.
"What do you mean?" asked the medic "Are you talking about the Mac truck?"
"No, Big Mac" said the driver once more.
"Yes," said the medic "we know it about the truck, but why didn't you stop?"
Finally the driver had gathered enough strength to clarify.
"Two all beef Pattys, Special Russ, Lester Cheeks picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus"
"Hey what's your name?" he inquires.
"I'm Patty" she bellows with a hoarse gutteral tone.
"Well Patty, have a seat, and lets get going"
"Okay" she makes his voice sound like a small girl.
As patty makes her way to her seat, she takes in all the Sesame Street decorations that are adorning the inside of the bus. After situating herself in the seat, the driver makes his way to the next stop. Upon pulling up and stopping, he absent-mindedly opens the door, only to have an eery sensation of deja vu creep over him. As the porky female lumbers onto the bus, he checks the mirror to ensure he has not lost his mind. Yet there patty sits, staring blankly at a picture of Big Bird.
"I'm Patty" the new girl blurts out, snapping him from his trance.
"Ooooookay" he hesitantly replies "why don't you find a seat".
She lumbers down the aisle and plops down next to the first patty and they both begin to chuckle with a deep huh, huh.
The driver shakes it off and proceeds to the next stop. Before he can get the door open all the way, a small boy races onto the bus with a grin on his face.
"Whoah there, what's your name son?"
"I'mSpecialRuss" the boy excitedly slurred out.
"Uh, why do they call you 'Special Russ'?"
"BecauseI'mspecial stupid"
"Fair enough" he replied, "have a seat, Russ"
Russ was obviously very hyperactive and was racing up and down the aisle excited by the decorations. The driver had to get up to seat him, and keep a close watch to make sure he stayed in his seat.
At the fourth stop, he was greeted by a shabby looking kid with dirty clothes and no shoes. As the kid stepped onto his bus, the first thing he noticed was the awful smell that followed his latest passenger onboard.
"Mff" the driver tried not to breath as he addressed the newcomer "what's your name?"
"I'm Lester Cheeks" he slanged out with a southern drawl "howdy do"
"I'm fine, please, just sit down" the driver managed before being forced to turn and stick his head out the window for a gasp of palatable atmosphere. When he turned back, to his dismay, Lester had situated himself in the seat directly behind him.
"Fuckin great" he thought to himself "thank god that's the last stop."
As he made his way down the road towards the school, Lester propped his feet up on the bar directly behind the drivers head and proceeded to pick at the bunions on the bottom of his feet.
The driver was horrified at the smell that singed his nostrils and turned his stomach, but had other issues to attend to. The first Patty was bashing the second Patty over the head with her lunch pail, while the second Patty guffawed with every blow. Russ was now climbing over and under the seats and moving up and down the center aisle.
"Patty! Stop hitting Patty with your lunch box!"
"Russ! Sit down and stay seated!"
"Lester! For the love of god, put your feet down!"
In all the distraction, the driver failed to see a red light ahead and blew through it. As the bus entered the intersection, the driver saw a large semi truck out of the corner of his eye, bearing down at full speed. In a flash the bus was T-boned and all everything went black.
The driver is awakened by paramedics to find himself strapped to a stretcher. One of the paramedics inquired, "What the hell happened? Why didn't you stop?"
"Big Mac" was all the driver could utter.
"What do you mean?" asked the medic "Are you talking about the Mac truck?"
"No, Big Mac" said the driver once more.
"Yes," said the medic "we know it about the truck, but why didn't you stop?"
Finally the driver had gathered enough strength to clarify.
"Two all beef Pattys, Special Russ, Lester Cheeks picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus"
and i feel stupider for reading all that