White Noise opened today. To those not in the know, it's the new Michael Keaton movie about E.V.P. Electronic Voice Phenomenon is when the dead talk to you over your electronic devices, radios, computers, TV's, whatever. Supposed to be the scariest movie of the year. As I stated, the premiere was tonight. I stood in line for a good half hour and paid my eight dollars to see it. It sounded promising. I mean, shit, that's a scary enough premise for a good horror/thriller-type flick. Holy fuck. This movie is the most rambling, aimless, plotless piece dog shit I have seen in a long time. I like Michael Keaton as an actor. I really do. But what the fuck he was thinking when he did this movie is far beyond my capacity. A half-hour into this movie I was praying for some zombies, just to make it worth my time for sitting through such a piece of garbage for even a half an hour. It was so bad that the entire- and I mena e-n-t-i-r-e, theatre was making fun of it. I have a seriously short attention span and can usually be caught off guard when a horror movie does one of those "make-you-jump" moments. Nada. Every "scary" part was predictable, uninspired and lame as hell. So yeah, don't go see "White Noise." Hollywood took something that could be made into an awesome scary movie and turned it into a complete train wreck. I will sincerely be surprised if a shittier movie is released this year. In fact, I don't even think zombies could have saved this film. Maybe if there were zombies, a nude scene, some WRC footage and you replaced Michael Keaton with Christopher Walken. And even then, I'm not sure.