For The Women On The Board

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OldSchoolSwap

Senior Member
Oil change instructions for women

(1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 5000 miles since
the last oil change.

(2) Drink a cup of coffee.

(3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men

(1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter and hand cleaner.

(2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it to Canadian Tire to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

(3) Open a beer and drink it.

(4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

(5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

(6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

(7) Place drain pan under engine.

(8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

(9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

(10) Unscrew drain plug.

(11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil all over yourself
in process.

(12) Clean up mess.

(13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

(14) Look for oil filter wrench.

(15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

(16) Beer.

(17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
tomorrow.

(18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, and
dump in hole in back yard.

(19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

(20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

(21) Walk to pub; buy beer.

(22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
to gasket surface.

(23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

(24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

(25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

(26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.

(27) Drink beer.

(28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.

(29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

(30) Drink beer.

(31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on the
frame of the car.

(32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.

(33) Begin cussing fit.

(34) Throw wrench.

(35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
1992 in the left boob and tore the picture.

(36) Beer.

(37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandages required to stop
bloodflow.

(38) Beer.

(39) Beer.

(40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

(41) Beer.

(42) Lower car from jack stands.

(43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

(44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during step 23.

(45) Beer.

(46) Test drive car.

(47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

(48) Car gets impounded.

(49) Make bail and get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
$50 parts
$25 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands: hey, the colors have to match!
$1,000 Bail
$200 impound and towing fee
Total: $1,350


For an Oil Change!


__________________
 

posol

RETIRED
Originally posted by OldSchoolSwap@Jan 28 2003, 08:50 AM
(8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
(9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

this must've been from a domestic board, huh?

we honda heads know better than to own SAE tools =)
 

90 accord

Chicks dig the box
VIP
haha!! and she likes accords!

take that all you civic lovers :p
 

accordgrrl

Senior Member

posol

RETIRED
yeah- i drive a small asss car,

but its still way bigger than a chipmunk.

if you don't know what im talking about, find slohonda's signature :)
 

accordgrrl

Senior Member
Originally posted by pissedoffsol@Jan 30 2003, 03:52 AM
yeah- i drive a small asss car,

but its still way bigger than a chipmunk.

if you don't know what im talking about, find slohonda's signature :)

No worries. It's not the size of the stick, it's the magic in the wand. ;)
 

Havok

Senior Member
Yeah, I was gonna buy a 3000 pound Accord--then I came to my senses :D
 
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