Celerity
Well-Known Member
I'm treated like a Whore, I'm regarded as a Whore, and I'm disrespected like a Whore.
I'm a Network analyst, Consultant. That means that I both bid for my own work, and I rely on Employment agencies (Headhunters, consulting firms, whatever you may call them) for work as well. When a company feels certain.. urges... They can't always get the desired result from their wives (Their employees). So they will turn to one the person they know will "Do that". They turn to a Pimp (My pimps).
Of course, they don't want to spend a lot, so they always start off in the bad section of town. They call up two-bit pimps (Like temping agencies) looking for some out-of work, yet cute little whore to do their bidding. But the two-bit pimps, while they may have a whore that has seen it done, or heard stories about it, isn't ready to do it. But they can bring in a handjob whore for pennies on the dollar. But no one will pay for something that they can do themselves. So the I.T. Johns start to head up town alittle more. They find that the whores are coming out in fewer numbers, and demanding higher pay. But none of them will do that special "Something", they wind up going really uptown and getting in with a top-notch pimp. The Top-notch pimp shows them me - I've been known to do special requests for all sorts of I.T. Johns that don't have wives (Employees) to take care of them. My portfolio is a who-is-who of the highest industry hitters. Hedge funds, Insurance, Stock Markets, Banks and a list of other area hotshots. To hire me will put you in the Elite clubs, and your name could get listed with some of the big shots. I'm expensive, but do I get that money ? No. Sure, I get a lot of money, but no where near all of it. Johns are paying $100 an hour, expecting me to run into work everyday like I'm making $100 an hour, when the truth is I make $30.
The catch is, I'm top-shelf pussy. And you're going to pay more than 4 times what you'll pay for anyone else. But that's ok, you have a corporate budget. So the deal is done, and I'm bought and paid for. The pimp hands you my papers and you're off to the quickest motel.
Metaphor:
We show up, and before the door is closed I hear "So, what else can you do for me?"
Real Life:
I walk in the office, meet and greet everyone, am showed a (Usually empty) desk and told I will have to build a PC to use, and then tell everyone a little about yourself, and why I'm there. After that, the boss will usually (like, always) take me aside to discuss what else I feel needs to be done, real secret-like.
Metaphor:
Thrown the cuffs as the veil is slid off the camera.
Real Life:
I'm given boundaries, but I'm expected to work around those boundaries while people just watch and comment on it. I'm not given an admin password, but I've been given administration responsibility. Someone makes sure to grant me just enough access to the network folders I need, even on a document-by-document basis. The hiring manager will use me to show off to his boss "I hired a consultant who will do all sorts of things that are too unspeakable for our employees - And I didn't even compromise network security"
Metaphor:
The John decides it's funny to hit me. My pimp is alerted, and the pimp shows up, with stick in hand. "You can't slap my bitch around, nukka" says the Pimp. The I.T. John says "But I'm paying a lot of money. Here, I'll give you a bonus. We'll extend the contract. I really like this whore." The pimp, Takes the money and tells the John he can do whatever he wants, Shit, everyone else in town has. He da man.
Real Life:
I'm not included in meetings, where my projects are being decided upon. My presentations are presented by others, to claim it's their work. My voicemail is taken away (It's employees only). My internet is tracked, and my mail is regulated. Finally, my chair is taken away and replaced with a stationary reception chair. I call my firm, and complain. "We'll take care of it," they assure me. An hour later I get a call "Well, things will look up now. They liked you so much, they want to extend your contract". "Of course they do," I think "I'm everything they ever wanted".
Metaphor:
I am on beckoned call 24/7. I'm not allowed in public sight, nor am I allowed at the Company Picnic. I'm not a loved family member, I'm a goddam whore.
Real Life:
I am on beckoned call 24.7. I'm not allowed in public sight, and am told to stay low while clients are in the office. I'm not allowed at the company picnic, because I'm not an employee. I'm not allowed at the christmas party. I am not to be seen.
Metaphor:
They love me when I'm in action, but when their family is around - They make it known (Above and beyond what they need to) that "Family is first". The John pays the Pimp alittle more lip service so he can try this Humiliation thing he's been seeing on the internet. Humiliation is part of this whore's life - If he was really that good, someone would have swept him off his feet and married him.
Real Life:
I work the slack of the rest of the department, which has gotten worse since I showed up. I start to complain that the employees are setting me up to fail, until I realise it was the Boss that told them to take some time off - The consultant is there. When they return from vacation or whatever, they are free to blame anything on me. What do I know? If I was so good, I would be an employee somewhere.
Metaphor:
The money is on the counter. Get out of here.
Real Life:
"Sorry for the formality Steve, but we're done with you and security will have to show you out. You understand, it's security. Also, we couldn't tell you because we need to protect our environment. " I'm walked off the job just that quick. No thanks, because hey - It's my job to simply come in, get things done, and leave.
Metaphor:
I decide this is shit. The money is good, but my Pimps are taking a HUGE percent. I want out of this, and I want a home. I am sick of being disrespected, shat upon and althogether made to feel like a schmuck. I'm talented, I have a good head on my shoulders, and I'm looking for a little of the same love other peers have.
Real Life:
Pretty much verbatim.
Metaphor:
The pimp hears that I'm out of whoring, and gets all up in my face. He decides he'll start hitting things with his pimpin stick. He threatens that me without him, is like heavy metal without the bluenote - I ain't never goin platinum. He threatens that I'll never work again.
Real Life:
After successfully completing 2 contract terms, They get bent that I didn't sell a 3rd. They go over things like "How (I) Misrepresented them" and "Other guys would have gotten more time, or a permanent hire offer". They will do all sorts of shit to make me somehow feel that I'm not good enough for working on my own, or under someone else. That shit doesn't work on me, I'm a free whore - And I go through whatever pimp I want.
Metaphor:
I work the streets without a pimp. I find a few little gigs here and there, Who are REALLY looking for someone cheap. They love me, sure, because they are getting top-shelf Beverly Hills tang for southside bronx money. I get out of that shit really quick. I go back to the pimps. (Bills are due)
Real Life:
I work some independent gigs. I find a few little gigs here and there, Who are REALLY looking for someone cheap. They love me, sure, because they are getting Fortune 50 consulting services for CompUSA prices. I decide this isn't a great use of my talents. I go back to the agencies (Bills are due)
Metaphor:
They welcome me back. I made them some damn fine loot. They are ready again to make some money off my ass, so they get me in with someone really quick. "Don't worry baby, things won't be like they were last time". They know I'm desperate, they offer me 25% of all tricks, "No healthcare bitch! what, you mah wife?!"
Real Life:
Welcomed back, why not I made some good money, yadda yadda. But to put 25% into line, think $15 an hour for a job that they are paid $60 for. They make MAXIMUM cash on me, and then wonder why I don't want the job. The same thing happens: I show up, they expect me to be wearing a cape, find out I'm not, bitch and moan and take it out on me.
Metaphor:
The jobs are over. I want some permanent lovin now. So I start hitting the scenes. Newspapers and Dice are like Bars and single's nights - And if I want to find a quality relationship, I just have to find one. At the book store or somewhere cool like that. And how often does THAT happen ? And here is one better: Would you want to marry a whore?
Real Life:
I'm done with this consulting shit. I want to be respected like family again. I want to feel welcomed somewhere. Dice and Newspapers are full of shit, and they don't want to see my kind anyway. My Resume is 2 pages long - Full of some serious accomplishment and shit. I have a list of references from all my bosses. I make shit happen. My portfolio is full of temporary jobs - Ask yourself this: Would you hire someone that skits from job to job every 3 to 6 months?
Metaphor:
Going out for coffee. "So, if you're so great - which you look like you are - Then why hasn't any other woman wanted to whisk you away into their palace forever and ever?"
Me: "They have, But they've been abusive assholes who like to piss on my face and hit me. Or, they live in Europe - just as bad"
Her: "Uhhhh... huh."
Real Life:
Interview. "So, These positions are pretty high end. Of all these companies, why haven't they offered you a permanent job?"
Me: "Oh, they have. I haven't wanted their job because the workplace isn't a right fit for me, or they have offered different positions, or they are out of state."
Interviewer: "Uhhhh... huh."
Metaphor:
She takes a chance on a sow like me - But my past makes her feel really uncomfortable. She can't introduce me to her parents, and even her friends will give her a hard time. She wants a little tryst before things get serious. Let me ask you: Of course you would be interested in top-shelf pussy - But would you be proud of it? Would you trust it? Would you talk about marrying it? Someone that is, only talks about salvation - But in the end, they treat me like a whore anyway. Usually winds up with lots of bruises and abuse, and then tossed to the street.
Real Life:
They like my credentials, but they don't know what to think. "Will he join us for a quick fix, then skip out when he finds a better deal?" "Can he be trusted with the keys to the kingdom at that pay? Will he be lured back into consulting?" They want a little "Try-and-buy" contract before they place their bets. So they are basically answering my whore background, by making me a Whore offer. And I'm oh so dirty for taking it. Chances are, the first few weeks are really rough - lots of punching and bruises. They toss me into the streets again.
Consulting is great when it's viewed for what it is - It's you putting your best foot forward for experience with different offices, in different towns, filling different roles. You'll get some real high times from it - You'll get applauded, you'll be heralded. Even whores have orgasms.
But if you let them take even an INCH, like I have described above, you will regret it. As I am now.
I'm not sure anyone realises how degrading it is to have to answer shit like "Haven't you been offered jobs at your clients?" and "We want to be assured that you won't leave us in a few months either". I am heavily insulted by this. What was one day so damned cool and elite, turned on me like a doberman, and became very, very ugly.
Anyway, Discuss
-> Steve
I'm a Network analyst, Consultant. That means that I both bid for my own work, and I rely on Employment agencies (Headhunters, consulting firms, whatever you may call them) for work as well. When a company feels certain.. urges... They can't always get the desired result from their wives (Their employees). So they will turn to one the person they know will "Do that". They turn to a Pimp (My pimps).
Of course, they don't want to spend a lot, so they always start off in the bad section of town. They call up two-bit pimps (Like temping agencies) looking for some out-of work, yet cute little whore to do their bidding. But the two-bit pimps, while they may have a whore that has seen it done, or heard stories about it, isn't ready to do it. But they can bring in a handjob whore for pennies on the dollar. But no one will pay for something that they can do themselves. So the I.T. Johns start to head up town alittle more. They find that the whores are coming out in fewer numbers, and demanding higher pay. But none of them will do that special "Something", they wind up going really uptown and getting in with a top-notch pimp. The Top-notch pimp shows them me - I've been known to do special requests for all sorts of I.T. Johns that don't have wives (Employees) to take care of them. My portfolio is a who-is-who of the highest industry hitters. Hedge funds, Insurance, Stock Markets, Banks and a list of other area hotshots. To hire me will put you in the Elite clubs, and your name could get listed with some of the big shots. I'm expensive, but do I get that money ? No. Sure, I get a lot of money, but no where near all of it. Johns are paying $100 an hour, expecting me to run into work everyday like I'm making $100 an hour, when the truth is I make $30.
The catch is, I'm top-shelf pussy. And you're going to pay more than 4 times what you'll pay for anyone else. But that's ok, you have a corporate budget. So the deal is done, and I'm bought and paid for. The pimp hands you my papers and you're off to the quickest motel.
Metaphor:
We show up, and before the door is closed I hear "So, what else can you do for me?"
Real Life:
I walk in the office, meet and greet everyone, am showed a (Usually empty) desk and told I will have to build a PC to use, and then tell everyone a little about yourself, and why I'm there. After that, the boss will usually (like, always) take me aside to discuss what else I feel needs to be done, real secret-like.
Metaphor:
Thrown the cuffs as the veil is slid off the camera.
Real Life:
I'm given boundaries, but I'm expected to work around those boundaries while people just watch and comment on it. I'm not given an admin password, but I've been given administration responsibility. Someone makes sure to grant me just enough access to the network folders I need, even on a document-by-document basis. The hiring manager will use me to show off to his boss "I hired a consultant who will do all sorts of things that are too unspeakable for our employees - And I didn't even compromise network security"
Metaphor:
The John decides it's funny to hit me. My pimp is alerted, and the pimp shows up, with stick in hand. "You can't slap my bitch around, nukka" says the Pimp. The I.T. John says "But I'm paying a lot of money. Here, I'll give you a bonus. We'll extend the contract. I really like this whore." The pimp, Takes the money and tells the John he can do whatever he wants, Shit, everyone else in town has. He da man.
Real Life:
I'm not included in meetings, where my projects are being decided upon. My presentations are presented by others, to claim it's their work. My voicemail is taken away (It's employees only). My internet is tracked, and my mail is regulated. Finally, my chair is taken away and replaced with a stationary reception chair. I call my firm, and complain. "We'll take care of it," they assure me. An hour later I get a call "Well, things will look up now. They liked you so much, they want to extend your contract". "Of course they do," I think "I'm everything they ever wanted".
Metaphor:
I am on beckoned call 24/7. I'm not allowed in public sight, nor am I allowed at the Company Picnic. I'm not a loved family member, I'm a goddam whore.
Real Life:
I am on beckoned call 24.7. I'm not allowed in public sight, and am told to stay low while clients are in the office. I'm not allowed at the company picnic, because I'm not an employee. I'm not allowed at the christmas party. I am not to be seen.
Metaphor:
They love me when I'm in action, but when their family is around - They make it known (Above and beyond what they need to) that "Family is first". The John pays the Pimp alittle more lip service so he can try this Humiliation thing he's been seeing on the internet. Humiliation is part of this whore's life - If he was really that good, someone would have swept him off his feet and married him.
Real Life:
I work the slack of the rest of the department, which has gotten worse since I showed up. I start to complain that the employees are setting me up to fail, until I realise it was the Boss that told them to take some time off - The consultant is there. When they return from vacation or whatever, they are free to blame anything on me. What do I know? If I was so good, I would be an employee somewhere.
Metaphor:
The money is on the counter. Get out of here.
Real Life:
"Sorry for the formality Steve, but we're done with you and security will have to show you out. You understand, it's security. Also, we couldn't tell you because we need to protect our environment. " I'm walked off the job just that quick. No thanks, because hey - It's my job to simply come in, get things done, and leave.
Metaphor:
I decide this is shit. The money is good, but my Pimps are taking a HUGE percent. I want out of this, and I want a home. I am sick of being disrespected, shat upon and althogether made to feel like a schmuck. I'm talented, I have a good head on my shoulders, and I'm looking for a little of the same love other peers have.
Real Life:
Pretty much verbatim.
Metaphor:
The pimp hears that I'm out of whoring, and gets all up in my face. He decides he'll start hitting things with his pimpin stick. He threatens that me without him, is like heavy metal without the bluenote - I ain't never goin platinum. He threatens that I'll never work again.
Real Life:
After successfully completing 2 contract terms, They get bent that I didn't sell a 3rd. They go over things like "How (I) Misrepresented them" and "Other guys would have gotten more time, or a permanent hire offer". They will do all sorts of shit to make me somehow feel that I'm not good enough for working on my own, or under someone else. That shit doesn't work on me, I'm a free whore - And I go through whatever pimp I want.
Metaphor:
I work the streets without a pimp. I find a few little gigs here and there, Who are REALLY looking for someone cheap. They love me, sure, because they are getting top-shelf Beverly Hills tang for southside bronx money. I get out of that shit really quick. I go back to the pimps. (Bills are due)
Real Life:
I work some independent gigs. I find a few little gigs here and there, Who are REALLY looking for someone cheap. They love me, sure, because they are getting Fortune 50 consulting services for CompUSA prices. I decide this isn't a great use of my talents. I go back to the agencies (Bills are due)
Metaphor:
They welcome me back. I made them some damn fine loot. They are ready again to make some money off my ass, so they get me in with someone really quick. "Don't worry baby, things won't be like they were last time". They know I'm desperate, they offer me 25% of all tricks, "No healthcare bitch! what, you mah wife?!"
Real Life:
Welcomed back, why not I made some good money, yadda yadda. But to put 25% into line, think $15 an hour for a job that they are paid $60 for. They make MAXIMUM cash on me, and then wonder why I don't want the job. The same thing happens: I show up, they expect me to be wearing a cape, find out I'm not, bitch and moan and take it out on me.
Metaphor:
The jobs are over. I want some permanent lovin now. So I start hitting the scenes. Newspapers and Dice are like Bars and single's nights - And if I want to find a quality relationship, I just have to find one. At the book store or somewhere cool like that. And how often does THAT happen ? And here is one better: Would you want to marry a whore?
Real Life:
I'm done with this consulting shit. I want to be respected like family again. I want to feel welcomed somewhere. Dice and Newspapers are full of shit, and they don't want to see my kind anyway. My Resume is 2 pages long - Full of some serious accomplishment and shit. I have a list of references from all my bosses. I make shit happen. My portfolio is full of temporary jobs - Ask yourself this: Would you hire someone that skits from job to job every 3 to 6 months?
Metaphor:
Going out for coffee. "So, if you're so great - which you look like you are - Then why hasn't any other woman wanted to whisk you away into their palace forever and ever?"
Me: "They have, But they've been abusive assholes who like to piss on my face and hit me. Or, they live in Europe - just as bad"
Her: "Uhhhh... huh."
Real Life:
Interview. "So, These positions are pretty high end. Of all these companies, why haven't they offered you a permanent job?"
Me: "Oh, they have. I haven't wanted their job because the workplace isn't a right fit for me, or they have offered different positions, or they are out of state."
Interviewer: "Uhhhh... huh."
Metaphor:
She takes a chance on a sow like me - But my past makes her feel really uncomfortable. She can't introduce me to her parents, and even her friends will give her a hard time. She wants a little tryst before things get serious. Let me ask you: Of course you would be interested in top-shelf pussy - But would you be proud of it? Would you trust it? Would you talk about marrying it? Someone that is, only talks about salvation - But in the end, they treat me like a whore anyway. Usually winds up with lots of bruises and abuse, and then tossed to the street.
Real Life:
They like my credentials, but they don't know what to think. "Will he join us for a quick fix, then skip out when he finds a better deal?" "Can he be trusted with the keys to the kingdom at that pay? Will he be lured back into consulting?" They want a little "Try-and-buy" contract before they place their bets. So they are basically answering my whore background, by making me a Whore offer. And I'm oh so dirty for taking it. Chances are, the first few weeks are really rough - lots of punching and bruises. They toss me into the streets again.
Consulting is great when it's viewed for what it is - It's you putting your best foot forward for experience with different offices, in different towns, filling different roles. You'll get some real high times from it - You'll get applauded, you'll be heralded. Even whores have orgasms.
But if you let them take even an INCH, like I have described above, you will regret it. As I am now.
I'm not sure anyone realises how degrading it is to have to answer shit like "Haven't you been offered jobs at your clients?" and "We want to be assured that you won't leave us in a few months either". I am heavily insulted by this. What was one day so damned cool and elite, turned on me like a doberman, and became very, very ugly.
Anyway, Discuss
-> Steve
