Am I Just Being Stupid?

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B

brc80

Senior Member
Guys I need some help. I don’t know if im being over protective or if its just some form of insecurity. I love my g/f very much, we’ve been together for over 1 ½ years. Everything was going great or at least I thought so, but recently she’s been hanging out with this girl from work, and I’ve noticed some changes in her. First let me start by saying that my g/f doesn’t really have many friends, not that she is mean or anything, but in school she was one of those who thought she was above all the partying and all the things you do when your in high school. Now instead of coming home after work like she used to. She’s goes out with this girl and her friends form work, and that’s cool I think she needs to have other people she hangs out with besides me, but they are going out and drinking to the point where my g/f is coming home at 4 in the morning, for consecutive days and its really becoming an issue. My g/f used to have plans for her future, now she doesn’t want to do anything but just party and have fun. Also my g/f really good looking, way to hot for my stupid ass, and I know she’s not doing anything behind my back, but I just feel like we’re not as close as we used to be, and our plans we had have now been put on hold. Now this has become something we argue about, every time we talk. So am I just being an ass or what, id really like to hear what you guys think. Sorry for such a long post but I had to vent.

Thanks Brandon
 
Who's starting the arguing when the issue is being discussed? There's a big difference between discussing and arguing. If you're staying calm, and just trying to figure out why she's had this change in her life, etc, and she's getting upset, yelling, or refusing to talk about it, chances are, something else is going on.

Have you tried saying anything to the effect of "I liked the direction that your life (and our life together) was heading, and I'm concerned about the damaging direction your life has taken"?
 
Man as much as it hirts, mainly there is two types of woman, the ones who party in high school and get it all out of them then stop partying out of high school and the ones who dont party in high school and get it all out later in life, thats how it is.i hope you guys can get your stuff worked out man its going to be hard but it will wear off of her.
 
Ok we dont really fight, its more like we're talking on the phone, and everything is going good, then she kinda just breaks in with "me and so and so are going out tonight" and the mood changes. I really dont have a problem with her going out, its just fact i really dont want my g/f out till 4 in the morning drinking. Its just not the way she is you know.
 
I wish I had a positive experiance to relay you,but I went through that exact same thing with one of my ex's <---keyword and it was a mess.
 
I think i may have solved my own problem. I was sitting here at work and i was thinking, her and i both agree that we are in a serious relationship, but she is doing things that you wouldnt normaly do in a serious relationship, so am i on to something?
 
From my experiance,and granted everyones is different,she is definitely exhibiting signs of relationship trouble.Does she invite you to come along and hang out with them?
 
No, but thing is i live about an hour from her, so i see her on fri, sat, sun, we had plans to get a place down here, but now she just seems like she got scared or something, so this new way shes acting is like her way of dealing with it.
 
I see,hmmm...maybe she is just bored at home and wants to get out.Hard to say without knowing her.
 
here's my take on it... she was super shy in school and now she has seen some fun that she has maybe been missing out on... let her do what she wants interms of staying out late, as long as she realizes that if she wants to be with you, then she has to set aside sometime to be with you... Relationships have some snags, hang up, and hurts, but as long as you are patient and understanding then things will work out well.
Also if I were you I would try and participate in your girls new friendships, say to her something like, hey next time you go out I would love to meet some of your friends, let all go out this weekend. or something like that. do not take what she is now doing as so negative, it is a change but we all go through changes. Be open minded about the situation and take an active roll. and if it turns out you do not like her new friends do not say anything to her about they are bringing her down, that just leads to trouble, either take it or get out and start something new.
Best of luck to you man...
 
sounds like a classic case of "daddy's little girl discovers her freedom...."

unless you REALLY trust her, you might want to keep closer tabs (dont let her know you are doing it)
on her late night activities....

sounds like her new friend who introduced her to partying and all has a big influence on her...

not to make you paranoid but, what else is she doing late night when ur not around?
 
I'm still in highschool so i dont know how well my advice will play in the real world, but she may be seeing someone else. I know you said you dont think she is, but you never know. You said she acted scarred to invite you over right? That could be a sure sign she's worried someone will find out about you she doesnt want to find out. If that's not the case, i think you were on to something. Next time you talk to her, tell her you love her, but you dont think she is doing what needs to be done to hold a serious relationship together. Tell her she's acting like she is in high school and should give it a rest. Drinking isnt all that bad, it feels good and most of the time no one gets hurt, but from the sounds of it, it seems like she's hurting herself and you by doing it in such excess. Basically make it look like she has to choose between being smashed every weekend or seeing you. If she's as serious as you are about the relationship she'll evaluate her situation more. The only downfall to that is, drinking is hella fun and she may dump you (only to probably come back). Hmmm, like i said i'm just in high scool so i dont know crap about real life relationships.
 
Originally posted by karnash@Apr 16 2003, 06:24 PM
sounds like a classic case of "daddy's little girl discovers her freedom...."

unless you REALLY trust her, you might want to keep closer tabs (dont let her know you are doing it)
on her late night activities....

sounds like her new friend who introduced her to partying and all has a big influence on her...

not to make you paranoid but, what else is she doing late night when ur not around?
Click to expand...

:werd: :withstupid:
 
This is my take on what you've said:
You have a girl who was shy/reclusive in high school and is now just starting to notice the massive amount of fun she's missed. She could be noticing that for 2 reasons: either something is really emotionally getting to her (either in the relationship or elsewhere), or that she simply is exploring.

I can say from my experience with women that it is certainly a phase, but the real question you have to answer is what's the driving force behind the partying? You said you see her on Fri/Sat/Sun. Are you seeing her EVERY weekend the whole time? If so, she is probably just needing space. (Women hate to admit that) If she is past needing space, then break it off right now. If it's just fun, then let her party and she'll come around.

In any case, let her have some fun. Remember that most people tend to go overboard when they are introduced to something new. How many times did you get sick and puke when you first started drinking? You learn by experience, and she doesn't have any there yet.

Hope this helps,
John
 
well unfortunately i had this same thing happen but i didnt live an hour away lived 5 mins away. my gf at the time had just turned 18 i was 19, she started going out with her friends more just like your gf. she was sheltered all through hs so when she got out she went crazy partying and drinking, ended up cheating on me and just being a whore and a barfly. very devastating to me but i got out before it fuked me up to bad. i think you better sit down with her and talk things over before anything like that happens to you. im not saying she is doing anything behind your back but you guys should discuss things before it gets that far. my gf was an emotional roller coaster. good luck
 
i'll be short and sweet on it.... i went through the same thing, but not with partying..

My ex-gf and i were together for 9 months.. this past august her town got swept up in this whole skaters are "cool" shit. I dont see the point in becoming a poser till its not cool anymore.. well she started playing guitar and shit and she started having her fun, i gave her space, but since i wasn't into that shit, she started eyeing guys who were, b/c they had "more in common".. so, from august till jan we just "hung on" and i wish i would have broken it off then, it would have saved a lot of emotional stress..

Homestly.. if you love her, let her go tillshe gets out of the phase, its better than hanging on by a thread and its better than gtting hurt repeatedly when you fight and her dump you anyways or cheat b/c she got "too drunk".

If it was meant to be.. it will be.
 
I feel you bro, I am going through a simalar thing with a girl I dated for the last 2 years, she partied a lot before we meet but then she said she was sick of it and ready to grow up, I should also mention I am a few years older then her and have never drank, just isn't my thing, but all my frineds were off to college right after we started dating and so we hung out every night except when we had to work, she even stated coming on trips with my family and hanging out with my sister and mom. The last month she kept talking about what we would do someday when we got married and I was tatally thinking that was where things were heading, but then last week she went out with the girls and realized she was missing out on things like sitting at the bar all night, even though she still says she isn't drinking cause she is over that but I am having a tough time deciding what to do, I am optimistic that if I give her space that in a few weeks once the newness of hanging out with the girls wears off she'll realize what we had but man does it suck and is so confusing, best advice I can give is support her and just know if its meant to be I guess somehow it will work out but don't freak out and do anything crazy cause that could ruin any chance, jsut work on your car and hang out with your friends and hopefully everything will work out. Good luck to you and also I am thinking its a summer thing, everyone I know that has been in a serious relationship is on the rocks right now and I think they think once summer comes they have to be free, hopefully they don't have to do anything too dumb to realize what they are risking losing.
 
I'm living the exact same thing man. I was with my girl for 2 1\2 years. And boom, there goes partying and going out all the time, she never cheated on me. But i think Domeskilla is right, let go, and if her love is real to you, don't worry that she will come back.

Maybe one reason she is going at it, like this, is that first she likes the new life of partying, and second she feels secure with you. Meaning that when she goes out, she knows that if something happens to her, get hurt or anything shes knows that your gonna be there to "save" her. But maybe if you let her go, she won't feel that and make her realize that she's better of with you and less partying then partying and less of you, or none of you.

Well, os this maybe really baddly written, but i live in Montreal, Canada and i don't write english every day, so sorry but i try my best, because i'm in the same, exact same situation of yours.

That's what i'm doing, i'm letting her go, and it's been only like a month or so, that i don't talk or see her anymore, and she starting to get back, meaning that she write me and call me all the time to go see her, and everything, but i'm holding my end, so she can see that she had a really good life with me, and that not a thing that she wants to loose and me neither...

anyways, if my post did not help at all, then...sorry for my bad english writting! :)

Hope you get out of it. And meanwhile you have a car, go ride... :D

Nice day to everyone! :blink:
 
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