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Cingulerity

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Celerity, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I'm single, Bishes.



    After 14 years of on again, off again relationship, we ended it this week. I saw her packing her parachute for the jump, had a talk with her, ended it.

    Lots of people have problems after years of living together. I didn't give her the relationship she wanted (Could you imagine living with me?) and she didn't give me the support that I needed. Taking care of a parent, owning a house, and losing a job makes for a shitty life anyway.

    So we decided to end it off. I'm glad I did this instead of waiting for my fears to be confirmed: There is no hostility now because there is no betrayal.

    Just venting.
     
  2. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    Well, if that's what you wanted :thumbsup:.I'm still having a hard time with my break up situation.
     
  3. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    From Pastor Wright (Obama's pastor)


    Here is the transcribed version of Wright’s “Audacity to Hope”
    "Several years ago while down in Richmond, Virginia, the Lord blessed my life by allowing me to be in that city during the same week that the annual convocation was being held at the Virginia Union University School of Theology, and it was at that convocation that I was privileged to and blessed to hear the preaching and teaching of Reverend Frederick G. Sampson of Detroit, Michigan and in one of this lectures Dr. Sampson talked about a picture that I had had to study in humanities courses at that same school, Virginia Union back in the late 50’s.
    "And Dr. Sampson talked about the picture so beautifully and so powerfully that memories were brought back to me from those college days in the 50’s and he talked about the painting as being a study in contradictions because what is depicted as the title and what is on the canvas seems to be in direct opposition one to the other. You see, the painting is titled “Hope” and it shows a woman sitting on top of the world playing a harp. Now at first glance, that would be all right, for what more enviable position could one ever hope to achieve than being on top of the world with the whole world, everything and everyone dancing to your music. But when you look closer at the picture, when the illusion of power gives way tot the reality of pain the world at which this woman sits, our world, that is a world which is torn by war, destroyed by hate, devastated by despair and devastated by distrust. The world on which she sits is on the very brink of destruction. Famine ravishes millions of the inhabitants of this world in one hemisphere while feasting and gluttony are enjoyed by inhabitants of another hemisphere. A time bomb ticking is the world on which she sits with apartheid in one hemisphere and apathy in the other hemisphere and enough nuclear warhead scientists tell us to wipe out all forms of life except for cockroaches and that is the world on which this woman sits. A world which cares about more bombs for the enemy than it does about bread for the hungry. A world that is still more concerned about the color of skin than it is about the content of character. A world more finicky about the texture of hair or what is on the outside of your head than it is about the quality of education or what is on the inside of one’s head. That is the world on which this woman sits. You and I think of being on top of the world as being in heaven, but when you look at the woman on Watt’s painting a little closer what you discover is that this woman is in Hell. And that artist Watt dares to entitled the painting “Hope.”
    "Then, on top of that, she’s sitting there in rags. Tattered clothes as if she herself has been in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Her head is bandaged and her blood is beginning to seep through the bandages. Scars and cuts are visible on her face, her arms and her legs. That’s when you look closer at the picture. And the instrument, on which she plays, her harp, has all but one of its strings broken, torn or ripped out. Even the instrument ha been damaged by what she has been though and she is even more the example of quiet despair than anything else. Yet, the artist dares entitle the painting “Hope.”
    "When you look closer at what Watt has done on that canvas, the illusion of power, sitting on top of the world gives way to the reality of pain and isn’t that the way it is with so many of us? Oh, we give the illusion of being in an enviable position, being on top of the world, but when you look closer at our lives what you begin to find is the reality, many times, of a pain almost too deep for the tongue to tell. Like that woman in Watt’s painting where it looks like heaven is actually for many of us, existing in a quiet Hell. I’ve been pasturing for 17 years; I’ve seen top many of these cases not to know what I am talking about. I’ve seen married couples where the husband has a girlfriend in addition to his wife. And it’s something people don’t talk about anymore you smile and pretend you don’t hear the whispers and the gossip and you remember you’ve got the legal papers on him and he would rather try to buy Fort Knox than get a divorce from you. That’s a living hell.

    "I’ve seen married couples where the wife discovers someone else cares for her as a person, not just as a cook, a maid, a jitney service and a call girl service all wrapped into one, but there’s a scandal, what folk might say and the scandal of the children. That’s a living hell.
    "I’ve seen divorcees whose dreams have been blown to bits, families who are broken beyond repair whose lives seem now somehow to have slipped through their fingers they’ve lost complete control. That’s a living Hell.
    "I’ve seen college students who give the illusion of being on top of the world. Designer clothes, all the sex they want, all the cocaine or marijuana or drugs, all the trappings of having it all together on the outside and empty and shallow and hurting and lonely and afraid on the inside. Many times what looks good on the outside, the illusion of being in power, the illusion of sitting on top of the world, when you get closer is actually existing in a quiet Hell. And that is exactly where Hannah is in First Samuel the first chapter the first eighteen verses.
    "Hannah is top dog in this three way relationship between herself AC and Peninah. Her husband loves her more than he loves his wife and other children. He tells her that loves her and a lot of husbands don’t do that. He shows her that he loves her and many husbands never get around to doing that. In fact it is his attention to her and his devotion that cause P to be so angry and to stay on her case so constantly. Jealous. Jealously will get a hold of you and you can’t let it go because it won’t let you go. Peninah stayed on her as we like we say as “white on rice.” Stayed on her constantly, picking on her, making her cry. Taking her appetite away.
    "At first glance, Hannah’s position seems enviable; she had all the rights and none of the responsibilities. No diapers to change, beds to set up beside at night no noses to wipe. No nothing else’s to wipe either. No babies draining you of your milk, demanding feedings. Hannah had it all. Top dog. No baby portions to fix at meal times. Her man loved her. Everybody knew he loved her. He loved her more than anything or anybody and that’s why Peninah hated her so much. Now, except for this second wife bit, which was legal back then, Hannah was sitting on top of the world, until you looked closer. And when you look closer what looked like heaven was actually existing in a quiet Hell.
    "She not only had the pain of a bitter woman to contend with but nonstop Peninah stayed on her. She not only had that pain of a bitter woman she also had as in Bible days, another pain. The pain of a barren womb. You will remember the story of the widow in second Kings four the woman who had no child. The story of women in biblical days with no children was as story of deep pathos and despair. You do remember the story of Sarah and what she did in Genesis sixteen because of her barren womb before the three heavenly visitors stopped by their tent. You do remember the story of Elizabeth and her husband in Luke one back in Bible days the story of a woman with a barren womb was that if deep pathos and Hannah was afflicted with the pain of a bitter woman on one hand and the pain of a barren womb on the other. Her world was flawed, flaky. Her respectability was tattered and torn and her heart was bruised and bleeding by the constant attacks of a jealous woman. The scars and scratches on her psyche are almost visible as you look at this passage as she cries; refusing to eat anything just like the woman in Watt’s painting what looks like being in Heaven is actually existing in a quiet Hell.
    "Now I want to share briefly with you about Hannah, the lady and the Lord. But while I do so I want you to be thinking about where it is you live and the particular pain predicament that is yours. Think about for a moment. Come back to what Dr. Sampson was saying at Virginia Union who said he wanted to quarrel with the artist who had the gall to name that painting “Hope” when all he could see on the picture is Hell. A quiet desperation. But then Dr. Sampson said he noticed he had only been looking at the horizontal relationships. How this woman was hooked up with this world in which she lived, this world in which she sat. Her horizontal dimension, her horizontal relationships. He had failed to take into account her vertical relationships. He had said he had not looked above her head. And when he looked over her head he found some small notes of music moving joyfully and playfully towards heaven. And that’s when he began to understand why the artist entitled the painting “Hope” Because in spite of being in a world torn by war, in spite of being on a world destroyed by hate, decimated by distrust, in spite of being in a world where famine and greed are uneasy bed partners, in spite of being on a world where apartheid and apathy feed the fires of racism and hatred, in spite of being on a world where nuclear nightmare draws closer with each second, in spite of being on a world with a ticking time bomb, with her clothes in rags, her body scarred, bruised and bleeding and her heart all but destroyed with that one string she had left, Hannah had the audacity to make music and praise God.
    "The vertical dimension balanced out what was going on the horizontal dimension. And that is what the audacity to hope will do for you. The apostle Paul said the same thing. Paul said you have troubles? Glory in your troubles. We glory in tribulation. That’s the horizontal dimension. We glory in tribulation because, he says, tribulation works patience and patience works experience and experience works hope. That’s the vertical dimension. And hope makes us not shame. The vertical dimension balances out what is going on in the horizontal dimension. And that is the real story here in Samuel the first chapter. Not the condition of Hannah’s body, but the condition of Hannah’s soul. Her vertical dimension.

    "She had the audacity to keep on hoping and to keep on praying and to keep on praying when there was no visible sign on the horizontal level that what she was praying for, hoping for, waiting for would ever be answered in the affirmative. That what she wanted most out of life had been denied to her. Think about that. Yet in spite of it, she kept on hoping. The gloating of Peninah did not make her bitter, she kept on hoping. When her family made its pilgrimage to the sanctuary she renewed her petition there, pouring out her heart to God. She may have been barren in her womb, that’s the horizontal dimension; she was fertile in however in her spirit, her vertical dimension. She prayed and she prayed and she kept on praying year after year, no answer and she kept on praying. She prayed so fervently in this passage that Eli though she had to be drunk. There as no sign on the horizontal level that for which she was praying for would ever be answered and Paul said something about that, too. No visible sign. Hope, the vertical dimension, he says, hope is what saves us for we are saved by hope, but hope that is seen is not hope. For what a man sees, why does he have hope for it, but if we hope for that which we see not, no visible sign, then do we with patience wait for it, almost an echo of what the prophet Isaiah said: they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. The vertical dimension balances out what is going on in the horizontal direction.
    "In your life, there may not be any visible sign of a change in your individual situation whatever your private Hell is. But that’s just a horizontal level. Keep the vertical level intact, like Hannah and you may like the African slaves be able to sing “over my head I hear music in the air, over my head I hear music in the air, over my head I hear music in the air, there must be a God somewhere.”

    "Keep the vertical dimension intact like Hannah. Have the audacity to hope for that child of yours, have the audacity to hope for that home of yours, have the audacity to hope for the church of yours. For whatever it is you’ve been praying, keep on praying and you may like my grandmother sing “There’s a bright side somewhere, there’s a bright side somewhere.” There is a bright side somewhere. Don’t you rest until you find it, for there is a bright side somewhere. The real lesson that Hannah gives us from this chapter, the most important word that God has here is how to hope when the love of God is not plainly evident. It’s easy to hope when there is evidence all around you of how good God is, but to have the audacity to hope when that love is not evident and you don’t know where that somewhere is that my grandmother sang about, or if there will ever be that brighter day. That is the true test of a Hannah-type faith. To take the one string you have left and to have the audacity to hope, to make music and praise God on and with whatever it is you have left even though you can’t see what God is going to do. That is the real word God would have us hear from this passage and from this painting. "There is a true-life illustration that demonstrates the principles so powerfully played in this pericapy. And I close with it. My mom and my dad used to sing a song I have not been able to find in any of the published hymnals. It is an old song out of the black religious tradition, called “Thank You, Jesus.” It is a very simple song and some of you have heard it. It goes, “I thank you, Jesus. I thank you, Jesus, I thank you, Jesus.” But to me they would always sing that song at what seemed like the strangest times. When the money got low in our home, or when the food was running out, or when I was getting in trouble they would start singing that song. And, I never understood it because as a child it seemed to me they were thanking God we had no money, or thanking God that we had no food or were thanking God I was in trouble or making a fool out of myself as a kid. But I was only looking at the horizontal level. I did not understand, nor could I see back then, the vertical hookup that my mother and my father had. I did not know then they were thanking Him in advance for all that they dared to hope for that He would do one day to their son, in their son and through their son. That’s why they prayed, that’s why they hoped and that’s why they kept on praying. No visible sign on the horizon and that’s why I thank God I had praying parents because now some 35 years later when I look at what God had done in my life I understand clearly how Hannah had the audacity to hope, why my parents had the audacity to hope and that’s why I say to you hope is what saves us. Keeping on hoping, keep on praying. God does hear and answer prayers."
     
  4. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I do suggest that all read this. It's important, and it's accurate.

    And if you're going through pain, not only the sermon, but the picture, is something good to hold onto.
     
  5. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    No, no. Not what I wanted. But if I get what I want 4 times a year (what I want = anything so small as a good cup of coffee) then it's a good year.

    It's not nice, what happened, but it's very much real. And the world, reality and life itself has a funny way of ignoring my requests (And yours). That said, it IS nice that I was able to see weakness, face it head-on and make what I feel is a proper decision.

    not an easy decision, but proper. Fair, honorable, dignified and self-sacrificing are VERY hard. Betrayal, lies, cheating and justifying is easy. And given the chance, when faced with how reality and life ignores you, almost every living creature will take the easy way out.
     
  6. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    This is an important part of this :

    "I’ve seen married couples where the wife discovers someone else cares for her as a person, not just as a cook, a maid, a jitney service and a call girl service all wrapped into one, but there’s a scandal, what folk might say and the scandal of the children. That’s a living hell."

    That right there is the smartest thing anyone has ever said about anything. I would like to back it up with what perceptions teach me, and what Relationshit.com has aligned into my consciousness:

    "Regardless of what I thought I did for her. Regardless of how I try, everything I do and everything I am is all and only seen through the eyes of the beholder. And with those eyes may one see only the creation of their perception, as described by their history and their style." - Celerity observation #4

    I may not have tried to treat her as maid, or whatever - But I am not one to say that from her viewpoint, I did not. I tried my best not to. And in that same token, I might be able to find out that her new prospects may look to her to be better than I. Again, I'm not one to say.

    Relationshit ties it together the following tape: Women may leave you for a man that is a total schmuck and loser. She didn't leave you because he's better than you, she left you because he's different than you. Men will try to upgrade, a woman's "upgrade" is purely by chance.

    (Also, when I mentioned "I noticed her packing her parachute" I meant that long the lines of Golden Parachute theory)
     
  7. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    sorry to hear about your loss...? if we're calling it that?

    can you elaborate on the chute packing?
     
  8. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Sure thing:

    This is a statement originally made from the best selling job-hunting series called "What color is your Parachute?", which is a great book about getting a new job, and how to leave your old one.

    And it's that parallel that the author decided to pick "Golden Parachute". The idea of a Golden Parachute, is that you never dive out of a plane without a really, really good parachute. People feel very comfortable paying top-dollar for a parachute. Which would you rather buy: a $50 parachute or a $5000 one? regardless of anything else, you tend to pick the expensive one, assuming that it's the better one, because of it's importance (The "gravity" of the situation? haha... sorry)

    All of that aside, I'm sure that you've heard "A monkey never lets go of one branch without firmly grasping another" or "A frog doesn't jump off the lilly pad until there is another lilly pad in reach".

    People, and I'm going to say "people" for now, never leave one bad situation to be alone. They will only leave when they have at LEAST another prospect to run towards.

    Your typical person will put up with any crap that their mate gives, until someone else comes along. Then they will suddenly develop the "fucking balls" to leave.

    I say "your typical person" because Golden Parachuting, in relationships, is a weak cowardly thing to do. Your typical person is weak and cowardly. But, the truth that I speak is clear: All "Women" practice golden parachuting. I have yet to be proven wrong on this (Except in cases of clear and intolerable behavior).

    They will not leave a situation until there is something acceptable to replace it. Being "single" and "alone" are at the bottom of possibilities. They are unacceptable.

    In plain terms, "golden Parachute" means that someone will tell you for MONTHS that they love you, they will satiate you and keep you in suspense until WHAM "they need their space" and the next day they are with another guy. Golden Parachute means "You were had".


    I know why people, and especially women, do this - so I'm not offended. It's totally cowardly, but like the opening of "Idiocracy" states, this generation is the first in history that actually protects and rewards the weaker of the species, while punishing and thinning out the strongest of the species.

    So She started to act funny, alittle "different". She made all sorts of improvements, to clothing, keeping things clean, being happy - all of the sudden. I can (and often do) recognise that as "Giving things another chance" but Occum's razor in this situation really told me "She's gearing up for another guy". And that was true, Since breaking up she's been spending a lot of time with another guy. (I didn't just break up)

    Now, were things to continue blissfully ignorant, than at some point betrayal would have occured - but since I learned the signs of Parachuting, I was able to nip the problem in the bud. Things came clear when I made them come clear. Now I can at least part ways with her and still hold some respect - instead of hating her.


    From this one post, I can make 12 posts on the side bar - so if you have any side questions or specific questions about any facet, then feel free to ask.
     
  9. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    so whats your proof that she didn't already have a foot out of the plane so to speak?
    how do you know there was no betrayal?
     
  10. TommyTheCat

    TommyTheCat Gonzo Scientist

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    Not true. Men are far more inclined to sow their oates with whatever will stop moving for a few minutes. They do not always move/cheat/etc to upgrade.

    A woman will make this move because her past relationships with men (way back - daddy) was probably not so good. And so while she may temporarily "get out of the whole" with you, she'll go right back to an alcoholic/verbal/physical abuser.
     
  11. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    i don't know any guy that would end a relationship with a 9 to go be with a 5

    the might stab the 5, but they generally don't want to lose the arm candy
     
  12. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    The moment she "fell out of love" with me, and didn't have the guts to say it was the betrayal. But, that betrayal is slight compared to actually going through with it.

    Even the most honorable of people will only go up to the moment of getting the urge to ask out another guy, before dumping the old one (I say guy, I mean really anyone)

    Remember what I posted up above from the sermon. You don't know you've got it so shitty until something better comes along.

    I have no proof, and I'll never get it - and even moreso, whats to gain by getting the truth ? The point is Mu. Neither here nor there.
     
  13. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    true...

    so any prospects for you now?
    i noticed my bike was always a PM, have you experienced anything similar?
    what about your family member, what happens to them now?
    what are you doing for work?
     
  14. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Be careful of your language here - You and I are actually on the same page, but phrasing it a little differently.

    Here is my way of phrasing what you have said, and this is real to my situation:

    Her father was very stable, and un-bending. There were no "I love yous" in her family, but she knew she was loved. Her father is very stoic, and retired from the job he got at age 18 at a factory. There were no up or down moments in her life growing up. And she is the same. She stays in one situation forEVER and is contented by that.

    I grew up pretty opposite - life was in a constant state of flux for me. Risks were taken, and things were lost. We had very high moments when I grew up, and very low. I never lived in the same house for more than 18 months.

    I can't say which is right and which is wrong (Mu) I can only say what's true. In that same breath, I understood why she left me, and why I broke it off. Her and I gave an honest attempt at making things work out, being so different, but the end result was that our very natures worked against each other - and neither of us could truly change for the other. She will remain stoic, and I will remain flighty.

    She may someday find a man who's a complete retard, can't carry on a conversation and has absolutely no good quality - but he'll be Stoic and that will be good enough for her. I may find a girl that likes Rap, has tattoos, but isn't afraid to take chances.
     
  15. Hondadude141

    Hondadude141 ¿pɐǝɥ ɹn ɥʇıʍ uıop nɥɔʇɐʍ

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    damn dude, sorry about your loss, i know its not what you wanted and all but if its for the best then im glad you can rest at ease. I think you need to run for preisdent/congress/something, you are a very good speaker/typer.
     
  16. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    what about common law marriage and the house?
     
  17. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    I'll answer one at a time, very seriously:

    Prospects: Yeah, there has been since I got the bike. It's true, no one liked me before the bike, but with a bike everything changes. I get cat called from women now. Even my deformed ass is cool now. I have this one goth girl right now that's into me, and I think she's pretty keen too. That said, I am totally ready to be single. I have a house, a cool garage and the freedom of truly doing what I want with them. I plan on taking full advantage of these things. At my age, I don't crave sex anymore, and I am far more interested in finding someone that I can share my feelings and thoughts with. Being that I grew up deformed, I truly do not care about what someone looks like.

    Bike: Yes, but even more so than that, my bike represents a philosophy and freedom that I have never enjoyed. It's a key to another world, where I can pack up and tour the country with only saddle bags - my body and being exposed to the world without protection. It's the closest to bliss that I have ever experienced. The Bike does a world of wonders for me, not just my appearance. I think that is the real attraction to people on bikes. It's a way of reporting to the world that you subscribe to a school of thought - not just a way of being cool. (Squids need not apply)

    My family member: I'm taking care of my mother, who is in the twilight of her life. That's important to me. My mother is really annoying to be around, but you're only given one mother. I am continuing to try the same thing I was before - getting her set up enough to enjoy her final years in a dignified manner. I won't be able to bring girls around too easily, but on the other hand this weeds out the girls that won't be supportive of me and my struggle (which is the EXACT situation I just got out of). When you date someone, you are dating their family, friends, past and future.

    I am collecting the amount of unemployment I have collected over the years. This is the first time I'mdoing that. I'm also working part-time nights and weekends at a computer repair shop for about $10 an hour. About 24 or so hours a week. I plan on keeping this job when I get another permanent job. I am looking for work, but I took a month off to go to school (Which I completed, I now have multiple certs), but I also took all of my house savings and dropped into tuition (I had worked out this plan with my Ex, so that she could take up the slack on the bills. This is no longer the arrangement).

    So my mother works for $10 an hour, I work for $10 an hour, and I have asked my ex for rent. I have lined up a roommate when she finally gets her own apartment. I am currently looking for work at the 100-140k salary range with my new certs (This is median pay for a project manager in my area)
     
  18. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, but the real loss here is something that everyone, good and bad, suffer from. I blame not the principles involved, but instead the reality in which we live. life itself, and the way it is lived is why we end up in predicaments like this. She is a good person, and I am a good person - but reality is VERY different from even our parent's times together. This is part of adaptation, and thinking that you can live the classic life of life-long dedication is going to only disappoint. I have learned about Entropy, and how everything starts to die the moment it is born. I used to hate the fact, but I now relish in it's benefits: I understand why bad things happen (specifically to me) and now I can heal quicker, and move onto the next thing.

    Thanks for the compliment, I've been speaking in text for a long time, and I have no problem opening up to the millions of hits this site gets everyday.
     
  19. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Common-law isn't supported in CT, while it's still on the books. The house is in my name, and I have owned it for a year now. We have never lived under the same roof for a continuous 7 years. College, a few moves and some time spent apart kinda reset the clock on that one. We have NEVER opened a joint account on anything, and we keep our finances very seperate.

    Something that I suggest everyone does. It's not fair when she (as she is) has perfect credit, never paid a bill late and works diligently for good standing, has to have her credit ruined by my flighty, almost bohemian finances. Seperate credit is something that works well for both parties.
     
  20. Hondadude141

    Hondadude141 ¿pɐǝɥ ɹn ɥʇıʍ uıop nɥɔʇɐʍ

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    wow... very well said, ill definately have to keep that in mind because im sure something will happen to me and ill think, "hmm....I think Celerity said something about this" lol
     
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