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coporate lessons

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by pissedoffsol, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    sorry for the caps, this is how it was...

    SUBJECT: CORPORATE LESSONS


    CORPORATE LESSON 1:

    A MAN IS GETTING INTO THE SHOWER JUST AS HIS WIFE IS
    FINISHING UP HER SHOWER WHEN THE DOORBELL RINGS.
    THE WIFE QUICKLY WRAPS HERSELF IN A TOWEL AND RUNS
    DOWNSTAIRS. WHEN SHE OPENS THE DOOR, THERE STANDS BOB,
    THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR. BEFORE SHE SAYS A WORD, BOB
    SAYS, "I'LL GIVE YOU $800 TO DROP THAT TOWEL,"
    AFTER THINKING FOR A MOMENT, THE WOMAN DROPS HER TOWEL
    AND STANDS NAKED IN FRONT OF BOB. AFTER A FEW SECONDS,
    BOB HANDS HER $800 DOLLARS AND LEAVES. THE WOMAN WRAPS
    BACK UP IN THE TOWEL AND GOES BACK UPSTAIRS.
    WHEN SHE GETS TO THE BATHROOM, HER HUSBAND ASKS, "WHO
    WAS THAT?"
    "IT WAS BOB THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR," SHE REPLIES.
    "GREAT!" THE HUSBAND SAYS, "DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
    THE $800 HE OWES ME?"

    MORAL OF THE STORY: IF YOU SHARE CRITICAL INFORMATION PERTAINING TO
    CREDIT AND RISK WITH YOUR SHAREHOLDERS IN TIME, YOU MAY BE IN A POSITION
    TO PREVENT AVOIDABLE EXPOSURE.

    CORPORATE LESSON 2:
    A PRIEST OFFERED A LIFT TO A NUN. SHE GOT IN AND
    CROSSED HER LEGS, FORCING HER GOWN TO REVEAL A LEG.
    THE PRIEST NEARLY HAD AN ACCIDENT. AFTER CONTROLLING
    THE CAR, HE STEALTHILY SLID HIS HAND UP HER LEG. THE
    NUN SAID, "FATHER, REMEMBER PSALM 129?" THE PRIEST
    REMOVED HIS HAND. BUT, CHANGING GEARS, HE LET HIS HAND
    SLIDE UP HER LEG AGAIN. THE NUN ONCE AGAIN SAID,
    "FATHER, REMEMBER PSALM 129?" THE PRIEST APOLOGIZED
    "SORRY SISTER BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK." ARRIVING AT THE
    CONVENT, THE NUN
    WENT ON HER WAY. ON HIS ARRIVAL AT THE CHURCH, THE
    PRIEST RUSHED TO LOOK UP PSALM 129. IT SAID, "GO FORTH
    AND SEEK, FURTHER UP, YOU WILL FIND GLORY."


    MORAL OF THE STORY: IF YOU ARE NOT WELL INFORMED IN
    YOUR JOB, YOU MIGHT MISS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

    CORPORATE LESSON 3:
    A SALES REP, AN ADMINISTRATION CLERK, AND THE MANAGER
    ARE WALKING TO LUNCH WHEN THEY FIND AN ANTIQUE OIL
    LAMP. THEY RUB IT AND A GENIE COMES OUT. THE GENIE
    SAYS, "I'LL GIVE EACH OF YOU JUST ONE WISH." "ME
    FIRST! ME FIRST!" SAYS THE ADMIN. CLERK. "I WANT TO BE
    IN THE BAHAMAS, DRIVING A SPEEDBOAT, WITHOUT A CARE IN
    THE WORLD." POOF! SHE'S GONE. "ME NEXT! ME NEXT!" SAYS
    THE SALES REP. "I WANT TO BE IN HAWAII, RELAXING ON
    THE BEACH WITH MY PERSONAL MASSEUSE, AN ENDLESS SUPPLY
    OF PINA COLADAS AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE." POOF! HE'S
    GONE. "OK, YOU'RE UP," THE GENIE SAYS TO THE MANAGER.
    THE MANAGER SAYS, "I WANT THOSE TWO BACK IN THE OFFICE
    AFTER LUNCH."

    MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS LET YOUR BOSS HAVE THE
    FIRST SAY.

    CORPORATE LESSON 4:
    A CROW WAS SITTING ON A TREE, DOING NOTHING ALL DAY. A
    RABBIT ASKED HIM, "CAN I ALSO SIT LIKE YOU AND DO
    NOTHING ALL DAY LONG?" THE CROW ANSWERED: "SURE, WHY
    NOT." SO, THE RABBIT SAT ON THE GROUND BELOW THE CROW
    , AND RESTED. A FOX JUMPED ON THE RABBIT AND ATE IT.

    MORAL OF THE STORY: TO BE SITTING AND DOING NOTHING,
    YOU MUST BE SITTING VERY HIGH UP.

    CORPORATE LESSON 5:
    A TURKEY WAS CHATTING WITH A BULL. "I WOULD LOVE TO BE
    ABLE TO GET TO THE TOP OF THAT TREE," SIGHED THE
    TURKEY, BUT I HAVEN'T GOT THE ENERGY." "WELL, WHY
    DON'T YOU NIBBLE ON MY DROPPINGS?" REPLIED THE BULL.
    "THEY'RE PACKED WITH NUTRIENTS." THE TURKEY PECKED AT
    A LUMP OF DUNG AND FOUND THAT IT GAVE HIM ENOUGH
    STRENGTH TO REACH THE LOWEST BRANCH OF THE TREE. THE
    NEXT DAY,
    AFTER EATING SOME MORE DUNG, HE REACHED THE SECOND
    BRANCH. FINALLY AFTER A FOURTH NIGHT, THERE HE WAS
    PROUDLY PERCHED AT THE TOP OF THE TREE. SOON HE WAS
    SPOTTED BY A FARMER, WHO SHOT THE TURKEY OUT OF THE
    TREE.


    MORAL OF THE STORY: BULLSH1T MIGHT GET YOU TO THE TOP,
    BUT IT WON'T KEEP YOU THERE.
     
  2. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    why did the chicken head cross the road.....
















    to suck my dick.....

    moral of the story....getting your dick sucked is great...lol
     
  3. micah

    micah Senior Member

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  4. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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  5. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    chickens don't have lips. they can't suck, sorry I had to
     
  6. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    LMFAO

    CRACK>you

    and good jokes B...
     
  7. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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  8. asmallsol

    asmallsol Super Moderator

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  9. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    you actually searched for it? lol
     
  10. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search: :search:
     
  11. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    [​IMG]

    Someone ask for teh crack?
     
  12. SiLude

    SiLude Senior Member

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    #1 is some funny shit, i actually did lol, ha
     
  13. xj0hnx

    xj0hnx I wanna be sedated VIP

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    Here am teh crack

    [​IMG]
     
  14. corvetteguy

    corvetteguy Senior Member

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    Catholic Girls
    > >A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish.
    >They
    > >are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter
    > >St. Peter asks the first girl, "Jessica, have you ever had any contact
    >with
    > >a penis?"
    > >She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one
    >with the
    > >tip of my finger."
    > >St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and
    >pass
    > >through the gate."
    > >St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you
    >ever had
    > >any contact with a penis?"
    > >The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and
    >stroked
    > >one."
    > >St. Peter says, "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass
    >through
    > >the gate."
    > >All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one
    >girl
    > >is pushing her way to the front of the line.
    > >When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What
    >seems to
    > >be the rush?"
    > >The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy
    >Water, I
    > >want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it."
     
  15. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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