1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

For The Women On The Board

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by OldSchoolSwap, Jan 28, 2003.

  1. OldSchoolSwap

    OldSchoolSwap Senior Member

    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Oil change instructions for women

    (1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 5000 miles since
    the last oil change.

    (2) Drink a cup of coffee.

    (3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:
    $20.00 for oil change
    $1.00 for coffee
    Total: $21.00

    Oil Change instructions for Men

    (1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
    filter, kitty litter and hand cleaner.

    (2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
    it to Canadian Tire to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

    (3) Open a beer and drink it.

    (4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    (5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    (6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    (7) Place drain pan under engine.

    (8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    (9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

    (10) Unscrew drain plug.

    (11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil all over yourself
    in process.

    (12) Clean up mess.

    (13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

    (14) Look for oil filter wrench.

    (15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

    (16) Beer.

    (17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
    tomorrow.

    (18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, and
    dump in hole in back yard.

    (19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

    (20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

    (21) Walk to pub; buy beer.

    (22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
    to gasket surface.

    (23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    (24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

    (25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    (26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
    along with drain plug.

    (27) Drink beer.

    (28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.

    (29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

    (30) Drink beer.

    (31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on the
    frame of the car.

    (32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.

    (33) Begin cussing fit.

    (34) Throw wrench.

    (35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
    1992 in the left boob and tore the picture.

    (36) Beer.

    (37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandages required to stop
    bloodflow.

    (38) Beer.

    (39) Beer.

    (40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

    (41) Beer.

    (42) Lower car from jack stands.

    (43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

    (44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
    during step 23.

    (45) Beer.

    (46) Test drive car.

    (47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

    (48) Car gets impounded.

    (49) Make bail and get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:
    $50 parts
    $25 beer
    $75 replacement set of jack stands: hey, the colors have to match!
    $1,000 Bail
    $200 impound and towing fee
    Total: $1,350


    For an Oil Change!


    __________________
     
  2. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home

    this must've been from a domestic board, huh?

    we honda heads know better than to own SAE tools =)
     
  3. OldSchoolSwap

    OldSchoolSwap Senior Member

    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    lol, no it wasn't! but it must've started in one :)
    Oh well..... :D
     
  4. mwasnp

    mwasnp Senior Member

    Messages:
    275
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2002
    Location:
    Hopkins, MN
  5. asmallsol

    asmallsol Super Moderator

    Messages:
    8,074
    Likes Received:
    3
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Houghton/Livonia Michigan
  6. B16

    B16 Super Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    11,539
    Likes Received:
    534
    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2002
    Location:
    yay area, CA
    lol, that was funny :)
     
  7. accordgrrl

    accordgrrl Senior Member

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Location:
    palm beach, FL
    <_<

    not appreciated. :p
     
  8. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    holy shit- a female member!!!
     
  9. 4doors4life

    4doors4life Senior Member

    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Location:
    South Pasadena, CA
    that brings us to a grand total of...


    3?
     
  10. 90 accord

    90 accord Chicks dig the box Moderator VIP

    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    21
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Location:
    Mesa, AZ
    haha!! and she likes accords!

    take that all you civic lovers :p
     
  11. 4doors4life

    4doors4life Senior Member

    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Location:
    South Pasadena, CA

    Male accord owners buy the bigger car to compensate for something else!
    :cockblocked:
     
  12. accordgrrl

    accordgrrl Senior Member

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Location:
    palm beach, FL

    Play nice!! :lol:

    Besides, my theory is that they buy them to MATCH something else, no? Can someone prove me wrong? :p
     
  13. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    yeah- i drive a small asss car,

    but its still way bigger than a chipmunk.

    if you don't know what im talking about, find slohonda's signature :)
     
  14. accordgrrl

    accordgrrl Senior Member

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Location:
    palm beach, FL

    No worries. It's not the size of the stick, it's the magic in the wand. ;)
     
  15. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    back in high school, my nick name was Merlin

    =)
     
  16. accordgrrl

    accordgrrl Senior Member

    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Location:
    palm beach, FL

    Can I see some of your tricks? :worthy:
     
  17. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    i call this one the stranger.....



    lol j/p
     
  18. Domeskilla

    Domeskilla Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2002
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, IN
    FUCK YOU B, back off HOMO :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

    :p

    :lol:
     
  19. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

    Messages:
    49,693
    Likes Received:
    53
    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2002
    Location:
    Retirement Home
    im not gay- my boyfriend is
     
  20. dohcvtec_accord

    dohcvtec_accord WRX Sellout

    Messages:
    8,433
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2002
    Location:
    The left lane
    Ummm no. I bought an Accord cuz I didn't want a girl's car...errrr, Civic...well, however you say it.

    :p :D

    :runs:
     
Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page