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joke o the day

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Slammed90Lude, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. Slammed90Lude

    Slammed90Lude Senior Member

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    Never Happened

    A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking
    Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in
    the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador
    Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the lab replies. "So,
    what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I
    could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government;
    so I told the CIA
    about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
    country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
    figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
    spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me
    out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down.
    I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work,
    mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
    some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got
    married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
    the dog.

    "Ten dollars."

    The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
    cheap?"

    "Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
     
  2. Cashizslick

    Cashizslick !i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

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    lol, good for a cheap laugh.
     
  3. formby

    formby learning in progress

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    yeah that was entertaining
     
  4. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    i'll tell you a story but its not really a joke, it's true and it's funny as hell.

    Me and this girl and her two gay friends are all just hangin out. We're driving around and I get the idea for her to give me road head, we argue back and forth about the gay kids in the back. We finally came to the conclusion where they didn't care, I didn't give a shit cause they would probably be looking at me anyway. So she's doing ...... and then all of a sudden this cherokee starts to pass and I guess glanced over. He was drivin there watching and honking his horn like craxy with this huge smile on his face. We got over the funnyness of it and she continued, but now she wants more, so she wants to go to the park and do the plan on the jungle gym. So we get there, I park the car and get out, I told her this wasn't gonna happen it was like last week and 10* out at 12 AM. So we kicked the gay kids out and started doing our thing, my retarded ass decides to be funny as hell and opens the sunroof and is hittin it doggystyle. All of a sudden out of nowhere, a cop rolls up...I'm still doin my thing out the sunroof. He pulls up behind the car and starts shining his retarded spot light in the car. He tells us to get dressed so we can come talk to him. We gather our shit and let him come up to the car. He goes over the usual bullshit and says do you even kno why I came over here. We both agreed we weren't being loud or annyoing or doing anything really out of the ordinary and it was in a semi secluded area. He laughs and points to the sign in front of the Prelude. I looked around me first then looked at the sign. It was the ONLY sign in the entire parking lot, it was about 3 ft x 2ft and had huge red lettering. It read "NO PARKING IN THIS AREA, ANYTIME".

    I was caught up in the moment and didn't even think to look for crap like that. It was a very memorable experience. He didn't issue us any citations or summons or anything. He just told us to get outta there...we finished what we were doing at my house.
     
  5. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    that is by far the funniest shit i have ever heard...

    not sure about getting road head with a couple dick lovers in the back seat but wtf... rock on with your bad self

    lmao

    edit: you know some crazy hoes dude.... jsut crazzzyyyyyy
     
  6. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    I wasn't worried about the gay kids in the back, they knew they couldn't have it. I could see them peeking over in the rear view mirror too. It doesn't bother me though, who cares let them be jealous.
     
  7. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    BAhahahahah *cough cough*

    definition of irony!
     
  8. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    :lol: i read that a while back... but it's still funny.
     
  9. dveit

    dveit Well-Known Member VIP

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  10. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    Not my story, unless someone else had the same experience.
     
  11. StarBellieAngel

    StarBellieAngel Senior Member

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    i was talking about the original post... so i'm not off topic, you know.
     
  12. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    92Civic.. You're depraved. And when I think you're depraved, you should take a long, hard look.

    I should ask the most basic denominator of questions... This chick totally wants to perch herself on the pole with two guys in the back - Gay or not. That is totally not a female thought.

    So this girl brings along her gay fag-bags, and you -

    allow me to take a step back. I'm a pretty worldly motherfucker. I've been around the world, from London to LA.. And I have a bit of experience in situations like this...

    ..., and you - STILL think she's a woman ?

    -> Steve

    Post op !
     
  13. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    LMAO, I used to go with her last year, I've hit it before, I fucked her that day, believe me shes a woman, and at that with a very nice body and hasn't been around.

    I can get her, cause she always wanted me, still does, but she knows all shes gonna get is the dick, she knows how I am and she knows I'll never go with her again. She gets what she can have, but everyone wants what they can't.
     
  14. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    I've been from Alaska to Costa Rica to Israel, it doesn't make a difference.

    Oh yea, I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality, I don't care if some dude looks at me or even hits on me, he/they can't have it.

    Believe me I'm very comfortable with the way I look too and what I have, if someone doesn't like it, fuck it, there are others.

    Also who cares if there were some gay dudes in the back, they were probably looking at me anyway, and it really doesn't bother me.
     
  15. YouKnowWhoIBee

    YouKnowWhoIBee my avatar is better.

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    ^^^ i wish i was a pimp at 17 years old. :)
     
  16. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    OH no

    Comming to FOX5 Thursdays at 8PM. Minor American Pimp. Who will be the next American Pimp? Watch and find out. Watch and vote, to cast your vote log onto FOX5.com/minoramericanpimp.
     
  17. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    You gotta look at the adam's apple. ;)

    She's post op.


    -> Steve

    "Oh yea, I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality, I don't care if some dude looks at me or even hits on me, he/they can't have it.

    Believe me I'm very comfortable with the way I look too and what I have, if someone doesn't like it, fuck it, there are others.

    Also who cares if there were some gay dudes in the back, they were probably looking at me anyway, and it really doesn't bother me."

    I threw this all by my gay friends, and they all say you're in the closet. Not me saying that, mind you ;)
     
  18. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    hahah,
    she's all female and all real.

    I'm not worried about it, I just have the "I don't care" attitude. I'm not gonna have some dude watch me beat my meat but if I'm trying to get some I'm not gonna let them bother me or interfere in my actions, if they wanna watch have fun.

    You're friends are wrong, I'm just a concieted bastard. I really don't care who watches me. I could care less if it were female, male, transvestite or a hermaphrodite, or 10 people watching if they're gettin off to watching me that's a plus in my book. Unless they're female I just don't wanna see them or know what they're doing.
     
  19. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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  20. 92civicb18b1

    92civicb18b1 The Trisexual

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    hahaha, lmao

    to make that joke you gotta tan her skin a bunch, cause the girl is black.
     
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