Joke of the Day

[Speedracer228]

Heres a funny one i just heard, dont think its a repost:

A couple from Michigan, who were both in marketing,
decided to go to Florida to thaw out during one
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at
the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20
years earlier.
Because of their hectic travel and work schedules,
it was difficult to coordinate their flight schedules.
So, the husband left Detroit and flew to Miami on
Thursday, with his wife flying down from Chicago
the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There
was a
computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his
wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address,
and
without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.






Meanwhile.....somewhere in Alabama, a widow had
just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a
minister of many years who was called home to glory
following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided
to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives
and friends. After reading the first message, she
fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his
mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:




From: Your Husband
Sent: Tue, 3/1/2004 5:45 PM



To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have
computers here now and you are allowed to send
e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just got all checked in and I see that
everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

 

[Liquidblaze]

 

[Speedracer228]

One more for good measure:

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind

him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a
urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about
it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than
a
doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten
seconds
later,
the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your
arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to
Wal-Mart, eager to
check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his
concoction, and
awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better.
Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.

 

[BigJ]

Good finds!

 

[Dustin_m]

i read that first one a while back, but its still funny as hell. and the second one is new to me, funny too

 

[Slammed90Lude]

that second one is hilarious

 

[reckedracing]

click me

not for the faint of heart....

 

[Speedracer228]

lol check this guy out, he has two peckers

http://phreeque.tripod.com/dos_santos.html

and he did it with this chick with two vag's ROFL

http://phreeque.tripod.com/blanche_dumas.html

 

[reckedracing]

she also had 4 breastises...
some strange shit on that site..

Stories of Blanche all mention her pronounced libido. She moved to Paris later in life and became a courtesan, and allegedly, upon hearing about the three-legged man, dos Santos, who was touring at the same time, she expressed a desire to have sex with him. According to Gould and Pyle, "There were two vaginae and two well-developed vulvae, both having equally developed sensations. The sexual appetite was markedly developed, and coitus was practised in both vaginae."

 

[preluderjs]

How the fuck did this thread go in that direction?

interesting stuff though.