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Slow today in the members lounge...

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, Sep 7, 2005.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    Joke 1
    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

    They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

    The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

    After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

    Joke 2
    The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

    They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

    They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

    They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

    They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

    The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

    The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

    The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
     
  2. Battle Pope

    Battle Pope New Member

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    :lmao: that second one is old, but great
     
  3. phyregod

    phyregod !!YTINASNI

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    BWAAHAHAHAHAH... :bo:
     
  4. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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  5. Smonkeyboy

    Smonkeyboy Senior Member

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    i think she choked....... :bo: hahahaha
     
  6. StealthMode

    StealthMode Kung Foolin'

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  7. pissedoffsol

    pissedoffsol RETIRED

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    "Redneck Computer Glossary"

    "Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

    "Keyboard" ---- Place to hang your truck keys.

    "Window" ------ Place in the truck to hang your guns.

    "Floppy" ------ When you run out of Polygrip.

    "Modem" ------- How you got rid of your dandelions.

    "ROM" --------- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

    "Byte" -------- First word in a kiss-off phrase.

    "Reboot" ------ What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

    "Network" ----- Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

    "Mouse" ------- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

    "LAN" -------- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

    "Cursor" ------ What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

    "bit" --------- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch long ways."

    "digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

    "packet" ------ What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
     
  8. integraslut78

    integraslut78 Stylus DJ Extraordinaire

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    B those are all great LMAO :lol:
     
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