Twas the night before xmas
and all through the house everyone
felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and
Dad smoking grass, and I just
settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard
such a clatter, I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a
big dick, I knew in a moment
it must be St. Prick.
He came down from the chimney like
a bat out of hell, I knew in a
moment the fucker had fell.
He filled all the stockings with
pretzels and beer, and a big rubber
dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a
thunderous fart, the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode
out of sight, "Piss on you all and
have one hell of a night!!!"
Happy Christmas and have a merry New Year.
--
Slightly different Version
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
everyone was getting laid, even the mouse.
With Ma in her whore house and dad in jail,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of tail...
When out on the lawn, there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my sister-in-law to see what was the matter.
I threw open the shudders and threw out the hash,
tripped over my boner and busted my ass.
And out on the lawn but what should appear
but a rusty ol' sleigh, and 8 fucking reindeer.
Out of the sleigh jumped a big, fat dick...
and I knew in an instant it must be St. Prick.
"To the top of the roofs, to the top of the walls,
on you bastards before I cut off your balls!"
He came down the chimney like a bat outta Hell,
and I knew for a fact the poor fucker had fell.
He filled the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
Then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
that son of a bitch, he blew the damn thing apart!
And he cursed and he swore as he rode out of sight,
"Fuck you all, I've had one hell of a night!"
---
about 140 different versions
140 versions of the night before xmas
and all through the house everyone
felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and
Dad smoking grass, and I just
settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard
such a clatter, I sprang from my piece
to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a
big dick, I knew in a moment
it must be St. Prick.
He came down from the chimney like
a bat out of hell, I knew in a
moment the fucker had fell.
He filled all the stockings with
pretzels and beer, and a big rubber
dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a
thunderous fart, the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode
out of sight, "Piss on you all and
have one hell of a night!!!"
Happy Christmas and have a merry New Year.
--
Slightly different Version
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
everyone was getting laid, even the mouse.
With Ma in her whore house and dad in jail,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of tail...
When out on the lawn, there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my sister-in-law to see what was the matter.
I threw open the shudders and threw out the hash,
tripped over my boner and busted my ass.
And out on the lawn but what should appear
but a rusty ol' sleigh, and 8 fucking reindeer.
Out of the sleigh jumped a big, fat dick...
and I knew in an instant it must be St. Prick.
"To the top of the roofs, to the top of the walls,
on you bastards before I cut off your balls!"
He came down the chimney like a bat outta Hell,
and I knew for a fact the poor fucker had fell.
He filled the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
Then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
that son of a bitch, he blew the damn thing apart!
And he cursed and he swore as he rode out of sight,
"Fuck you all, I've had one hell of a night!"
---
about 140 different versions
140 versions of the night before xmas
