Elevator etiquette

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formby

learning in progress
i was recently hired as director of customer service for a small advertising company. well, in the 6 floor building there are 2 elevators and i just hate getting in an elevator with people

i don't know what to say, were to look.
what if i fart or burp?
or i get a call on my cell, do i answer it?
should i not be too loud if i pick it up?
the office is in the 5th floor so i have to stop at every damed floor.

i used the stairs when i first started and its a trip. but i guess i could use the exercise.

so what is elevator etiquette?

is it ok to start a convo with a fellow elevator rider?


discuss
 
we have a tv in our elevator. i will talk about whatver is on the tv. it's ok to talk to them, say hi or whatever. i don't usually burp or fart in public, so i definitely wouldn't do it in an elevator. phone use is ok. just don't be all yelling and shit like some people. if it's ringing and you aren't going to answer it, silence it.
 
I normally don't strike up any conversation at all unless someone talks to me. But I'll just look straight ahead or just play with my cell phone.
 
no cell phone calls in an elevator
service is usually shitty anyway

farting or burping is also best reserved for post elevator ride, but if there's a bunch of people and you can rip a SBD and not die laughing then more power to you

conversation with female riders is a plus
conversation with male riders makes you the creepy gay elevator guy

i liked on the 17 floor on my college campus, and the vending machines were in the basement
those were the longest stoned elevator rides of my life
it was horrible when random people got on and you were just sitting there staring into space with blood red eyes trying not to laugh at them
 
just stand there in the elevator and stare at someone while breathing heavily

walk in and stand facing into the rear corner... when the elevator starts to move SCREAM

walk in... stand in the middle of the elevator... regardless of whether anyone is in there or not... undo your belt and drop your pants to your ankles... if the elevator stops along the way and the door opens just nod to whoever might be waiting to get on... when you get to your floor pick up your pants and exit the elevator

ask someone on the elevator if they could "take a look at this rash" and start undoing your belt

keep a bunch of change in your pocket... put your hand in your pocket and jingle the change for the whole ride... moaning quietly helps
 
since i walk to the car, i will often change out of dress shoes into tennis shoes. it smells great in the elevator.
 
i hate elevators,they make me feel wierd as hell...but anyways..i wouldnt start a convo unless it was a female rider,just stand there and look straight ahead...

why is it that most elevator rides are awkward?
 
I lean with my back against the button panel. Pisses people off. And I look at them, completely turned around.

And I call out floors as we pass them.
 
Everyone enjoys trivia.

Get int he elevator, and put your hand on the emergency stop.

Then into the ride, say

"Righhhhhht....... Here" and pull the stop lever. Then declare

"Right here, Right in this spot, is where my dad was when he heard that JFK was shot." Look around briefly, release the elevator.
 
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Smile and go back for more.

Ask the others in the elevator which floor they're going to, but push the wrong buttons.

Call the Psychic Hotline and ask them if they know which floor you're on.

Hold the doors open as if you're waiting for a friend, but then let it close. Say to nobody, "Hey, Wally, how's it been?"

Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, "That's mine!"

Put a cardboard box in the corner; when someone gets on ask them if they can hear ticking.

When the doors close, announce, "Don't worry, they'll open again soon."

Enforce a group hug.

Open your purse slightly and say, "Do you have enough air in there?"

Tell one of the other passengers that you're sorry, but you're going to have to let him go.

Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

Sing along with the Muzak.

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it. quick!" then whistle innocently.
[/FONT]
 
Rule of thumb number 1:

Whenever you enter an elevator, walk over to the hottest girl inside. Stand right up next to her regardless of how many other people are inside.

Be sure to comment to her on how 'tight' it is inside the elevator. Perhaps make a joke about how everyone is 'asses to elbows'.
 
inconsiderate cell phone guy!

YTMND - 300TMND: This is an interruption!

My favorite 300 themed YTMND of all time. :)


Also, for all you folks who deal with tall buildings and don't want to stop at eleventy billion floors on your way up or down, press the button of your destination floor, and the 'door close' button at the same time. Hold both down until the elevator begins to move, and release. This puts the elevator in express mode, taking you straight to your floor without stopping for others to get on. Firefighters and paramedics use this to get around quickly. Works with most major brands of elevators
 
Also, for all you folks who deal with tall buildings and don't want to stop at eleventy billion floors on your way up or down, press the button of your destination floor, and the 'door close' button at the same time. Hold both down until the elevator begins to move, and release. This puts the elevator in express mode, taking you straight to your floor without stopping for others to get on. Firefighters and paramedics use this to get around quickly. Works with most major brands of elevators

now THAT is a kick ass tip

rep for you

ps if it doesnt work i will be forced to take my rep back and kick you in the pills for getting my hopes up

***son of a bish it wont let me give you rep right now
someone give him some damn rep for that kick ass tip
 
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