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Marriage "Exposure"

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by reckedracing, Jan 17, 2019.

  1. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    I was discussing my martial status with someone recently and happened to mention the term exposure, specifically relating to financial exposure given current laws associated with marriage (in NY).
    They were rather shocked by my use of the word exposure and did not seem pleased that I would use such a word when talking about the emotion of "love".
    I tried to explain that numbers are my thing, and given my profession I see the same scenerios play out over and over again, etc. There was no reasoning with this person. Apparently I am forever jaded and completely fucked up... LOL

    So any thoughts or opinions?
    Can the topic be reduced to concepts such as exposure?
     
  2. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    If it flys floats or fucks... it is cheaper to rent.
     
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  3. TurboMirage

    TurboMirage YEEAAAHHH VIP

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    ive used exposure with my wife in a finance regard. i don't see the trouble.
     
  4. reikoshea

    reikoshea HS Troll...And Mod Moderator VIP

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    It's the old adage: "Are you willing to bet someone half your money you'll love them forever". As I approach my peak earning potential the phrase ends up in my brain more than it did when I was making $20/hr.
     
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  5. chestercheeto48

    chestercheeto48 Senior Member VIP

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    I made that bet and lost...I would do it again to meet my fiance.
     
  6. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    *warning - long post ahead*

    Your first red flag right here. You can never discuss emotions with anybody. This is your indicator to run away.

    Do you know what year it is? There's no reasoning with anyone, especially when discussing emotions. It can't be fact checked, validated with numbers, or verified with history. It's simply one person's opinion. The correct answer for that person is, "great, I'm glad you've found happiness. my life experiences have caused me to be prepared for any possible outcomes." And then you run away.


    You can't rationalize ideas with an irrational person. You're not wrong here. The best thing is to realize it as soon as possible and not invest more time than necessary. There's a scale when conducting your business. If you get a higher payout for more work with this client, then it might be worth it. If it's a social relationship, you're completely wasting your time.

    I remember working with financial planning clients. I would say several things in regards to having a non-family executor of the estate. Have a will made and signed by all the kids acknowledging the division of assets. For anybody who doesn't know this, parents are fucking retarded. Their kid is always the unique snowflake that never fights, argues, commits crimes, lies, smokes, fucks, gets bad grades, does drugs, etc. Whether the parent is 16 or 116, they believe their kids are the best. And this leads to them feeling like they don't need a will or executor. They think, "oh, my kids won't fight over assets, they'll just split everything equally 5 ways." Well there's a house, property, stocks, vehicles, etc. How do you split those equally? You can't, not without liquidating. I've seen families torn apart over $10,000 in stocks. It's brutal.

    The reality is, some people are terrible. IMHO, most people are terrible. But for all those wretched people in the world, there's also the people who see nothing but rainbows, butterflies, and magic unicorns that don't poo. I can understand the terrible people. I can prepare for them. I usually expect it. They're predictable. The ones I can't work with are the rainbows and butterflies people. There's no rationalizing with them. No discussion. They're closed off to all thoughts. I find that they're often the same people who go to *insert expensive private college* for a sociology/communications/women's studies degrees and then complain they can't find a $250k/year job to pay off their $500k in student loans.

    I've been listening to Jordan Peterson a lot lately. He's right on some, wrong on some. But he makes great points on why the left, who are the creatives with high empathy, need the right, who are organized and strategic. And they both rely on each other. Check this video and it sort of explains why you can't rationalize with them, but you can figure out ways to work with them. This is best to be viewed as listening personality types, ignore the labels "liberals and conservatives".



    Here is an analysis of how "Peterson wins an argument". I wish I had this earlier in my life and dealing with my relationships. I also wish I would have had this when I started as a financial advisor. I would have been MUCH more successful in dealing with far left type personalities.



    It's also likely that you could have been dealing with a "conversational bully". Here's an interesting analysis of a conversation with a conversation bully.

     
  7. Briansol

    Briansol Admins Admin VIP

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    Being 'equals' coming in was one of the first 'serious' conversations my wife and I had on like our 2nd date. While I do make a bit more than her, it's not enough to deem 'class warfare'.
    She had the exact same concerns going into relationships - guys who would use her/etc to have her take them out and mooch off her.

    In the almost 3 years we've been together (4 months married), we've been through hell and back with her family (MIL recently passed from cancer). It's been the most difficult of times. Now, we have her dad's dog in the house for a few weeks already because her dad is in the hospital now. And this fucking dog sucks, let me tell you. It's beyond stressful.

    We can deal with it, support each other, and come out of this on the other side like we have the 100s of times before, so i'm not afraid of anything we can't overcome together. I can't imagine trying to go through some of this shit without her. I'm sure time will come for my family too and i know she'll be right beside me every step of the way.

    That's what the stuff is worth. You can't put a price tag on that. If you're worried about your stuff, you're with the wrong person.
     
  8. BigJ

    BigJ I'm just about that action Boss. VIP

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    Agree with you Brian. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without my wife. My bro just got out of my prison. My mom is super mentally ill. Went to grad school. Got out of debt. Lots of things, she supported me on.
     
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  9. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    That seems to be the two biggest things when I have friends/family getting divorced: they don't communicate and/or don't support each other. I have some friends that have been together for 11 years, he adopted her oldest kid and they had another, they communicated pretty well, he supported her on most of her hair-brained "jobs" that she wanted to pursue but that's where it wasn't a two way street, she never supported or encouraged him on what he wanted to do. He communicated often what he wanted but she would shut him down or ridicule him when he tried to go through with that stuff. That marriage may be dissolving this year.


    What are the exact points of exposure in your state? I think I am pretty ignorant about what you are talking about. Or are you talking about another person having access to your financials?
     
  10. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    House, bank accounts, business interest.
    Anything earned during the course of the marriage becomes a marital asset and is subject to a 50/50 split if divorced.
     
  11. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt VIP

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    50/50 is the best you're gonna do in most cases. Not sure about other states but Michigan is considered "no fault" for divorce at least as far as assets are concerned.

    Throwing in minor children etc etc skews it the other way.
     
  12. BrutalB83

    BrutalB83 Brutal Moderator Moderator VIP

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    Just like our shitty car insurance!
     
  13. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    eh, if the partnership is well matched and healthy then both are entirely responsible for the accrued wealth and success, either through direct involvement (both spouses working and earning) or by support (stay at home mothers/fathers, balancing the family life to enable the income earner to focus). The problem isn't exposure, the problem is that people make shitty life decisions and too many people jump into marriage too soon without taking the time to actually get to know who they are marrying.
     
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  14. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt VIP

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    Hey they're gonna fix that now. As well as the damn roads....
     
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  15. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt VIP

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    I'm not really sure where to start with this. All of that sounds like its coming from someone who doesn't make a lot of money if I'm being honest.

    I don't want to be a dick but that whole moral support and balancing family life stuff is bullshit.

    You can change diapers and clean toilets and cook meals and give amazing head every night after I get home from my 12 hour day at work, but that's not 50%. I'm sorry but it just isn't. Whether you do that or not I still have to get my ass up every day and do it all over again to put all that food in the fridge and buy the cleaning supplies and the diapers.

    Most likely what happens is she gets complacent and watches soap operas and eats pringles and ice cream sandwiches after the kids go to kindergarten. Then gets fat and feels unattractive and wears sweatpants and a hoodie all the time until she gets a gym membership that gets used once. Then tells her husband he doesn't understand how hard it is and he doesn't support her needs.

    Then he fucks his secretary or coworker or some chick he meets at the bar when he can't stand to go home.

    Then she files for divorce, keeps the house, the kids, at least half of the 401k she didn't contribute a dime to, and gets remarried to the personal trainer she started seeing because she was gonna live her "best life" and be single again.

    I agree people make shitty choices and get married too soon, but the problem is people have a tendency to really change a lot AFTER they get married and find that comfort zone.

    Been married 20 years come October and I can say with complete honesty that we are the most normal couple I know and there's been times we haven't been that normal. But we've been through it all, literally. From cancer to cheating and everything in between. Times I didn't think we were gonna make it and I don't know how we did other than we're both stubborn asses and we don't have any clue how to give up on each other or not be there for each other. To me that's love. Or idiocy. Or maybe it's the same thing. The bottom line is we're definitely better together than we would ever be apart. But neither one of us is perfect, and that's okay.

    People and marriages are fucked up. A good friend of mine was the happiest person I've ever seen for about 2 years UNTIL he got married and had a kid and it's a total disaster now and the kid is only 6. But neither one of them will do anything about it. She can't afford to leave and he's afraid of losing the kid. And that's not even the worst marriage I know about.

    If you get married, you're gonna have some exposure, one way or the other. Just make sure you're exposing yourself to someone you can't live without, for better or worse, through sickness and health, and all that mumbo jumbo.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2019
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  16. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    You are absolutely right, maybe my perspective is skewed because I don't have a high salary or a lot of tangible property/funds to lose in general.
     
  17. reckedracing

    reckedracing TTIWWOP VIP

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    Just got another call from a client today that they are getting divorced.
    He's gonna take a beating...
    My opinion remains the same.
     
  18. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt VIP

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    Aren't you in the real estate game?
     
  19. invisibledemon

    invisibledemon Bored Moderator VIP

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    I am, but I'm only part time, really. I graduate in May and will decide the next step after that. I've been doing it mainly to just get myself through school and may continue afterwards but may also look into other things as well.
     
  20. D16Civic

    D16Civic Matt VIP

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    My aunt was a realtor and made boatloads of cash but I know it depends on where you're selling and the clientele. Her 3rd husband was an IT guy for Cisco and was making bank also. This was back around Y2K.

    At one point they had a 50 foot boat in the Bahamas and were living high on the horse so to speak.

    Turns out he was a coke head and literally snorted everything up his nose. I don't deal with my dad or his side of the family but last I heard she was living in her daughters basement.

    A lot more to the story but chalk one for karma.
     
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