WOMEN'S ENGLISH: "Yes" = No. "No" = Yes. "Maybe" = No. "I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry... "We need" = I want. "It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now. "Do what ever you want" = You'll pay for this later. "We need to talk" = I need to complain. "Sure, go ahead" = I don't want you to. "I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron! "You're so manly" = You need a shave, and you sweat a lot. "Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs. "This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house. "I want new curtains" = And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. "I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep. "Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive. "How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're going to hate. "I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. "You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me. "Are you listening to me!?!" = [Too late! You're dead!] ****************************************** MEN'S ENGLISH: "I'm hungry. = I'm hungry. "I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy. "I'm tired. = I'm tired. "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage! "You look tense. Let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you. "What's wrong?" = What stupid self-inflicted psychological trauma is it now? "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question? "I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex? "I love you" = Let's have sex now! "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex? "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before. "Let's talk" = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy, then maybe sex? "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others. "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together" = I'm gay.