Why does she have to be this way....

[Celerity]

ANY of our suggestions are for shit. Totally completely for shit. I don't care if Dr Phil himself logs into hondaswap - anything we say is complete crap.

We don't know a goddam thing about JP and his life, as you you don't know a goddam thing about mine. If I were to start talking about my life, you would all suggest I leave my gf, drop the house, sell the cars, blah blah. Your advice isn't worth the text it's typed out with.

Neither is mine.

But what I CAN do, with relative tact, is be a friend and use my stance as a mere "brain in a jar" (Although he's met me) and offer up advice that does the following:

Stops sugar coating shit
Tells it like it is
treats him with a shred of respect to not feed him lines of shit.

B did that same thing in his post.

 

[formby]

treats him with a shred of respect to not feed him lines of shit.

ok?

 

[TurboMirage]

ok?

he means he treats you with respect, and not like shit.

 

[Capt. Orygun]

I feel for you, I'm having a toucy problem of my own with the GF

I'm an active person and I exercise, meanwhile she's letting herself go and instead of trying to live healthy she's content to watch tv and play couch potato.

Everytime I bring it up it's an instant guilt trip by her that I'm making her feel fat when infact I honestly care about her long term health...

I guess it's like Chris Rock said

"Either your single and lonely, or together and bored, ain't no happiness nowhere"

 

[Battle Pope]

I said intelligible. >_>

 

[Seany-izzle]

duhhhhh steve has done everything and knows all.

The only thing i can offer is talk and communicate. Plus, marriage is all about compromise, maybe you two just need to sit down and get it out.

Hope it all works out for you man!!!!

 

[formby]

he means he treats you with respect, and not like shit.

ohh
ok

i've been the one that made this situation. i notice that i do over react, and get loud. so she has taken a deffensive position

 

[Celerity]

Now that's better. Check it :


At first you stated a problem "My girlfriend doesn't talk on my level / I don't trust her / she says she'll do something and never does it". This problem is impossible to solve - not only are you focusing on the behavior of another person (And changing another person isn't easy, if even wholly possible) but you're ignoring the idea that you may have even the slightest amount to do with it ("I have no folly")

And now you're phrasing it more accurately. Saying things like "I sometimes overreact" and "I could possibly be intimidating her (sic)". NOW you're in an area where you CAN do something about the situation.

I said it before - you can't solve a problem if you can't accurately describe the problem in the first place. And when most people have a complaint that they can't solve / make sense of / need help with - It's 100% of the time a result of not phrasing the problem correctly. This happens because ...

1. you're not honest with yourself, and you think that you have nothing to do with it
2. You're always a victim (This is why 99.99999999% of women can't solve a fuckin social problem if their lives depended on it)
3. You somehow feel justified that you have "done everything" or "it's not my responsibility"
4. Or you're egotistical. The Egotist rarely occurs in this paradigm, and JP is by no means an egotist.

The best way to deal with it is to shed this negativity (Buddha has a word for it, Freude called it "ego", it could be called a Yin, Hindi call it bad karma, and Pagans (Who believe it or not, know the most on the subject) call it something as well). From there, you can start to see everything in your life, accurately. This is because whereas most people (Americans especially) detach themselves from "The Bad", you really need to realise that you interact with everyone.

-> Steve

 

[formby]

let me think about this again.

 

[TurboMirage]

steve, keep going.

 

[totalburnout]

Yippee.

The advice that I gave when the thread first started, about probing to get to the bottom of the real problem so you can figure out whats causing it (on both your and her accounts) is finally coming to light. You can't fix something, when you're unsure of what to if or if you accidentally look at the wrong thing. Think of it methodically, its like cars and misdiagnosing problems.

Talk to her and get her to open up, its the only way you're going to be able to diagnose the problem. Its a problem both of you possess, not just her.

Also, what B said about doing all the work, doesn't typically work for someone like myself. You'll become overly frustrated that you're putting forth all this effort and she's not. - *does this ring a bell to your current situation? - you're upset that you're putting in the time and effort to talk to her, and she won't reciprocate and its driving a wedge between you.

Combine this with the fact that humans generally take the path of least resistence and if you believe in the conservation of energy theory - they do as little of whats required of them as possible. You'll suddenly be the guy who does everything.

I love my parents to death, but I've seen this first hand in my parent's marriage. My dad takes over the chores of the entire house because he feels that if he doesn't, then no one will and everyone just kicks back and relaxes until the poor guy finally explodes.

Think of another method of communicating with her? Maybe its not all her fault, but rather the method you're trying to reach her through.

Can you ask her friends what they think or how they think she would respond best?

quoted for posterity, from the very top of page 2.

"For every action, there's a reaction." Remove the stimulus and you'll no longer have that behavior (reaction). Its classical conditioning. Thank our good friend, Pavlov, for this discovery.

 

[Celerity]

Thank our good friend, Pavlov, for this discovery.

HA ! "Does the name 'Pavlov', ring a bell?"


I love that saying.