Why does she have to be this way....

[jamesA]

I think you're overreacting... but perhaps you need to have a chat with her about how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realize she's giving you the feelings of mis-trust.

 

[totalburnout]

Have you asked her why she tells you one thing and then does another. It could be that she is hiding something or it could me that she is just flakey when it comes to plans.

Chester, you're on the exact tract to what Formby should be doing.

The first step to solving the problem is understanding the problem.

To understand the problem, he must understand her.

To understand her, he must probe and ask questions to gain a better idea of exactly whats going on.

Question her and then when she gives an answer, listen...really listen, and then ask another question that takes the evaluation deeper and deeper until you've uncovered exactly what the problem is - this may take days or months.

 

[formby]

Have you asked her why she tells you one thing and then does another.

she says "i dont know"

As it stands, from the short little blurb you described, she doesn't seem to want to change or even view the situation as a problem.

correct

I think you're overreacting... but perhaps you need to have a chat with her about how you feel?

i have, she just looks at me with the dumbest look on her face...



my friend told me that all women are like this, and i "better be glad that atleast i got a hot one"


i just want respect and communication...

this is so complicated, it almosts feels like i'm ranting for no reason. but i realy want to make this work and she puts no effort into it....

 

[formby]

Question her and then when she gives an answer, listen...really listen, and then ask another question that takes the evaluation deeper and deeper until you've uncovered exactly what the problem is - this may take days or months.

ive done that but she just sits there like a wall

 

[posol]

maybe its not so much that she doesn't want to talk to you, but rather she has 0 interest in things you like (Cars, etc).

take her to the mall.
take her to a petting zoo.

stuff chicks like.

I bet you'll have some good convos that day

 

[totalburnout]

Formby, your complaints aren't falling on deaf ears. Many of us know what its like, for quite awhile I was the guy who didn't put effort into my past relationship and didn't attempt to communicate - I know how frustrating it must be to struggle to be heard and communicate, without your significant other reciprocating.

Its not that way in every relationship and every relationship can be made to be stronger and more fruitful. Just determine what you want in life and whats worth your heartache.

If she's not worth your heartache then take a walk, and take it fast.

 

[totalburnout]

ive done that but she just sits there like a wall

Think of another method of communicating with her? Maybe its not all her fault, but rather the method you're trying to reach her through.

Can you ask her friends what they think or how they think she would respond best?

 

[formby]

Can you ask her friends what they think or how they think she would respond best?

she doesnt have any, just co-workers, family.... and maybe ones i dont know about

 

[totalburnout]

she doesnt have any, just co-workers, family.... and maybe ones i dont know about

Those constitute as friends. They may be able to provide insight.

 

[TurboMirage]

i dont know is a common answer i would get with the ex.

i dont know why i did that. i dont know why i didnt call you. i didnt think of it. yes i know i told you i was going to dinner with your parents and i know they invited me im sorry i was late because i forgot.

why dont you try? i dont know.

your married. its not as easy as i had it to "know" what to do.

 

[B16RacerN2NR]

... then you're Co-Dependent.

and? Why does it always seem like someone should be the way YOU think they should be. He's not trying to change his wife, just asking for her to speak up when spoken to. Period. You over analyze things sometimes...

Formby, IMO, do what you gotta do...regrdless if it is your fault one way or another for wanting to end your marriage...point is that you want someone that you're happy with and you seem not to be happy with her. You want someone you're compatible with regardless if you are needy, co-dependent, bi-polar, blah blah blah...find someone who wants someone like you and vice-versa.

 

[get_nick]

she doesnt have any, just co-workers, family.... and maybe ones i dont know about

there's your answer ace. i had problems with my ex because of this. girls might say they dont' want other friends, but they do. you need to find another guy that has a gf she can hang out with. she doesn't talk to you because she wants at least 1 female friend. i know, i know, some girls don't like having other girls as friends, but deep down inside they need at least 1. guys just don't do 100% of the satisfaction a female needs. no matter what they say or we think.

 

[Seany-izzle]

over reacting. dont stress it.

 

[formby]

around 7pm she called me from work and asked me if i wanted to go with her to fridays with coworkers.... i said "no". she said okay and left it at that. i thought she was going anyway, but she showes up 30 min after they closed the store [a good thing].

she asked me "why wont you go?"


i responded
"if we are going to out with people as a married couple, we need to be able to go out alone as a couple first. we still have alot to talk about and you have the stage, here's the mic."

so i asked her if she wanted to go to the ale house to eat. she agreed. once there, she told me that she realy had nothing to say yet, but that she would.

we ate, talked about randomn stuff and before we finished, my cousins husband came by and told us to sit outside with them and have more drinks. we finished eating and went out to the outside bar, hung out till last call and had a fun time.

when we get home we took a shower [not together] and went to bed. well i guess i was looking extra nice in my birthday suite and man i got laid good.


but i'm still waiting for the "talk"

i just want her to understand that i'm here to listen and care about the same things she cares about.

 

[formby]

today was more of a "i love you" day, all she did was hug me and rub her monkey on me.....

i think she is trying to sexualy fix the problem.

still waiting for the "talk"

 

[BigJ]

Sounds like it might be getting better.....

and you got laid

 

[IceBolt]

Formby, I think you should calmly confront her with the issue and let her know it bugs you when she says she's going to do something and doesn't do it.

You have the 'people don't change' half right. People can't change their attitudes (unless something life changing happens), but people can change their behaviour. If a woman has high interest level in her man, and she is a flexible giver and respects you, then it shouldn't be a problem because she'll want to make you happy (given that you are a flexible giver and are respectable as well).

If you don't bring it up to her attention then all you're doing is building resentment and that kills relationships. Also, you won't get any respect and that equals no love.

I hope this helps formby. You don't have a problem with attitude here, but a problem of behaviour. You can't expect her to change, but you should at least talk it out and hold your ground.

 

[jamesA]

I was thinkin about this last night... and then I realized your wife is exactly like my roommate.

"hey matt could you do the dishes, all they need to have done is loaded in the dishwasher"

"yeah I can handle that"

Three days later they still aren't done.

CONSTANTLY.

 

[get_nick]

I was thinkin about this last night... and then I realized your wife is exactly like my roommate.

"hey matt could you do the dishes, all they need to have done is loaded in the dishwasher"

"yeah I can handle that"

Three days later they still aren't done.

CONSTANTLY.

are you fucking your roommate though?

 

[jamesA]

haha I KNEW that was going to be the first question.

Nope, I'm not. There are differences, but in the fact that he'll say he'll do something and then won't do it is similar.