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Zombie Invasion !

Discussion in 'Members' Lounge' started by Celerity, May 10, 2008.

  1. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Oh god, it happened.

    I got invaded by Zombies. A big black mother and her 5 teenage kids. Door flies open, they pour in.

    Run straight to the Mac, playing my music. I knew that was the first to go, it's fodder for kids. These kids are smart, while I was introducing myself to their mother, they found itunes and loaded the gangsta rap. Quick little buggers.

    So the mother is bitching to me about prices, my prices, "whatchu mean you can't give me no price" and the whole zombie schpeel.

    Her kids, in the meanwhile, are carefully inspecting the back of the TVs and computers for their connections. My monitor, on my desk, goes black. They pulled the connection out, watched it hit the floor moved onto another shiny object.

    I have an external drive that I built awhile ago. it's beautiful. And it's sitting on top of my computer.
    "OOOO waz dt ?! " "Hoooooly sheit, check dis sheit OUT!" "WHOA DAYUM"

    and the mother, while her zombie kids are losing their IQ8 minds, keeps blathering on "brrraaaiiins" . Finally, they leave.

    All the AT&T pens on the mac table are gone.
     
  2. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Wait... the fuck ? I'm the only person here in the member's lounge ?
     
  3. Airjockie

    Airjockie Watanabe Whore!!!

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    yup.....it's a nice day...you should go out and get away from the computer a while. Or else you'll end up a Zombie
     
  4. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    These people go through life completely unchecked.
     
  5. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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    shoulda treated them like any other zombie and awarded them with a bullet to the face
     
  6. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    shoulda thrown some old records at their heads...
     
  7. tunercrazed

    tunercrazed HS Official Hippie

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    "That was like the 2nd album I ever bought"
     
  8. EGProject

    EGProject YEEEEAAHHHHH

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    I'm with above. 00 buckshot ought to do the trick next time. Either that, or just call the cops.
     
  9. BrutalB83

    BrutalB83 Brutal Moderator Moderator VIP

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    This thread confuses me... :huh:
     
  10. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    Zombie + Celerity definition = People with ZERO manners, usually inner city thug types. Typically black, speaking only in consonants and driving their parycheck (classically poor people who work under the table to make their Escalade payments). They have ZERO regard for anyone else.

    I first got the term from a guy that I work with, who is in his 70's, black, motorcyclist and english professor at yale. He mentioned they remind him of zombies because of how they walk into the middle of traffic with no regard for safety or consideration. "They see you coming, and actually slow down and give you stink eye". If you drive through New Haven CT in a car, you see them. If you're on a bike, it's worse because then they walk CLOSER to you, and if you have a large sport bike look out - because then they "crip walk" up to you mumbling something about "BOOOOOSA" with their arms outstretched. I frequently (I mean more than once a day) blow the traffic light to get away from them. At night you can hear them call out to others "YO!" "CUZ!" "FUCK!" "BOOSA". It's just like the classic Dawn of the Dead sequence of riding a motorcycle getting out of town.

    My friend even carries a cane to literally "Beat off the zombies" because they pushed him off his bike and robbed him once. Mild mannered professor. If I stayed still at traffic lights when they attack, I too would likely be robbed.

    Lots of people think it's a racist statement, it really isn't. It's just funny how closely they resemble zombies in dawn of the dead, the way they talk and walk, it's funny. Also, the zombie women push their illegitimate children in to traffic too, and then give you stink eye as they slowly amble across the road. Zombie women are the worst.
     
  11. dacheat

    dacheat ..is grounded.

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    on the subj. of zombies and running into them in daily life - here's my tale full of digression:

    this past friday afternoon, i pull up to a red semaphore (nice tech term for left turn arrow i learned when i blew one once on a foggy night and got caught by the popo). i'm waiting behind 2 cars in front of me and look into my rearview and see my worst nightmare getting played out just like it happened last summer -- big white 4door something or other going nose down in an 'i-wasn't-paying-attention' kind of 'oh shit' fashion so as not to rear end me. last year the guy in the white 4 door failed at the maneuver and totaled my rex. on this beautiful friday afternoon i narrowly escape shitting myself as the dude manages to pull out the full stop without engaging the ass end of my car. :eek:

    i'm staring wide-eyed into the rearview mirror, white-knuckling the steering wheel, and that's when i see that this isn't the average joe, this is a goddamn ZOMBIE.

    he maybe weighs 140 soaked in piss, wearing a crusty white tee shirt that matches his pasty skin; it's hard to distinguish his eyes from the dark circles under them, and his nappy mustache accentuates the catatonic drooling impression his mouth gives off. so that's what i see in the first second, post-near-impact.

    the second second, the guy is twitching it up like crazy - reaching across his car for something, yelling out the window at the homeless dude on the corner (right outside my dside window), checking his rearview, adjusting his seating position (nerd bouncing). i'm just getting to the point where i can take a breath again and start cussing it up about how i almost got creamed by a tweaker in my SECOND rex -- and then BAM!!!!

    a hispanic guy gets out of his PT cruiser (my pside corner pocket), goes up to the dside window of the zombie, grabs a handful of his nasty white tee shirt and STARTS PUNCHING HIM IN THE TEMPLE!!!!!!!!!!! :shocked:

    how i know the guy is officially a zombie is he just kinda mumbles and TAKES it with no defensive posture or blocking - and no retaliatory offense.

    I look at the homeless guy, his sign kinda held half-assedly now, and he looks at me, and we both shrug at each other like, :wtf2:. and then the assbeatery stops and the hispanic guy gets back into his PT cruiser and the light turns green and we all get the hell out of there.

    zombies, they are among us. i was not prepared, but i will be from now on. :shuriken:
     
  12. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    abso-fucking-lutely


    ps: glad you and your rex are ok :thumbsup:
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2008
  13. E_SolSi

    E_SolSi Member of the 20 nut club Moderator VIP

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    :thumbsup: well said... ive been saying this for years
     
  14. get_nick

    get_nick These snozzberries taste like snozzberries... VIP

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    ugh, my zombie story.

    I was with marsha driving down the road and got to an intersection. this old zombie is walking through the crosswalk and stopped in the middle right in front of us. he had his hands around his waist acting strange. all of a sudden, he starts pissing in the middle of the road. at 3pm in the afternoon. broad daylight. 6 lane road. he was actually holding his penis pulled through the zipper in front. urinating in the intersection. if i was in a truck, i would have hit him. wtf is wrong with people these days.
     
  15. BrutalB83

    BrutalB83 Brutal Moderator Moderator VIP

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    Right, yeah. I figured as much. The thing that confused me is why are they coming into your office/home? Is this a part of your job?

    I guess I should have been more specific...
     
  16. Celerity

    Celerity Well-Known Member

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    My job. The White Zombies are in my neighborhood (It's hard to describe a white zombie, it's usually white women who have a very skewed view of the world around them, think the world owes them something and they are elite in a crowd of anyone. Also, they typically have children that they like to think grants them items of privilege, tax breaks, and you are lower than them because you don't have a child - And slightly higher, although not as high, if you DO have kids, because your kids aren't their kids)

    I guess I didn't need parenthesis for that.
     
  17. reikoshea

    reikoshea HS Troll...And Mod Moderator VIP

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    zombies have invaded the mall by my apt.

    thats all i got. took me 5 minutes to walk to another store because they span the entire floor of the mall....and you have to go at their pace.

    ive actually been looking for speed limit signs in the mall. "You may not exceed a speed of 10 ft/min"
     
  18. dacheat

    dacheat ..is grounded.

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    man i so know what you're talking about. the mall in my hometown is congested with the shambling types, too.
     
  19. nootrac22

    nootrac22 Well-Known Member VIP

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    lots of emo's at the mall by me, had to tell one off friday. bumped into my son (just about knocked him over) and couldn't say excuse me, lil bastard. I wish he was there with his parents so I coulda gave his dad the assbeating he deserved.
     
  20. BrutalB83

    BrutalB83 Brutal Moderator Moderator VIP

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    Ah, ok, gotcha. I know you've posted similar things before, but I wasn't sure if you were still at the same job or not because you were recently talking about a new job in one of the other threads here in the lounge...
     
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