dumps

[Hatchbacks Anonymous]

:bo: Best thread ever!! I have never laughed so hard at something that I read.

I had to stop reading so that I could catch my breath.

Tears came down my face, because we have all been there. :bo:

I'm going to save this!

 

[complicity]

Originally posted by Loco Honkey@Mar 27 2004, 08:51 AM
And fart I did. I've never farted before or since like that. Perhaps the bowl had an amplifying effect, but lord have mercy, it was what I call a power fart. Loud, hard, forceful, powerful. The kinda farts that you WISH you could do when you were a kid. And it kept coming. It went on for a good 30 seconds. I didn't hold back. I pushed. I grinned from ear to ear because I knew every motherfucker in that room was going "oh fuck, I gotta get outta here NOW!" When I was done, I groaned and said, "Praise the LORD!"

 

[DarkHand]

Originally posted by Loco Honkey@Mar 27 2004, 07:51 AM
Perhaps the bowl had an amplifying effect

My theory is that toilet bowls are specifically engineered to amplify farts and broadcast them to everyone in the building.

 

[rushcrx]

 

[Loco Honkey]

Originally posted by DarkHand+Apr 1 2004, 01:45 PM-->

Loco Honkey

@Mar 27 2004, 07:51 AM
Perhaps the bowl had an amplifying effect

My theory is that toilet bowls are specifically engineered to amplify farts and broadcast them to everyone in the building.

I believe you are correct... Upon great thought, I've deduced that they act like a band pass speaker enclosure.

Your anal orifice is the speaker, which produces sound and pressure waves. The sound and pressure waves radiate away from your anal orifice in a linear fashion and reflect off the water surface. This is the key. The water surface is fluid, meaning it will bend and vibrate as the sound and pressure waves collide with it. This in turn produces equal sound and pressure waves, adding to the waves produced by your anal orifice. These waves reflect back against your ass cheeks and toilet bowl walls. Since your ass cheeks are soft and porous, they act like acoustic sound deadening; this is why farts never echo. The walls of the bowl are either ceramic or porclin, but either way, they reflect the sound waves back against the water, further enhancing the sound propagation. The waves eventually find their way out through the port, which is the space between your thighs as you sit.

The pressure build up in a toilet bowl during a fart is quite dramatic. Next time you're on the bowl and feel one brewing, place a single sheet of toilet paper over the port and watch what happens when you fart. It might surprise you.

BTW- this write up is my Forced Induction Article Of The Month for April.

 

[B16]

 

[JDMilan]

holy shit loco............actually read it this time...


:bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo:
:bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo:
:bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: :bo: eace:

 

[phunky.buddha]

That's some funny shit.

The toilet bowl acts like a focusing element- the shape and material of the bowl matter more than the "bandpass" effect from your ass creating a semi-sealed enclosure. It's not enough of an enclosure to amplify the sound- it's more the hardness of material and the shape of the bowl that matter.

 

[NotUrAverage_Si]

Originally posted by Prowler@Mar 26 2004, 10:06 PM

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

just for the record, I attempted one of these courtesy flushes a minute ago to avoid the prolonged stink and I don't know if it's the lack of water pressure where I live or if perfect timing is required between flushing and the poop hitting the water, but it plugged the toilt. :eek2: :eek3:

 

[Loco Honkey]

Nah. You just need to shit more often or bow to the colon cancer god.

 

[reckedracing]

doesn't need to be timed, lol, just flush after you've dropped the cosby kids and before toasting the TP...

you must have taken a HUGE shit if you clogged it with no TP, just straight terds...
does your ass hurt? do you hear a noise similar to a breeze blowing into a cave? does it make noise when you fart? LMAO

 

[posol]

WHO DOES #2 WORK FOR?>!?!?!?!?

 

[reckedracing]

wha?

 

[DarkHand]

Originally posted by reckedracing@Apr 2 2004, 10:18 AM
wha?

You've never seen Austin Powers?

 

[E_SolSi]

Originally posted by pissedoffsol@Apr 2 2004, 11:16 AM
WHO DOES #2 WORK FOR?>!?!?!?!?

Hey Partner! C'mon, you gotta relax! Don't force it! You're gonna blow out your o-ring! Drop a lung!

 

[phunky.buddha]

I'm a chronic toilet plugger... no TP either. I guess I just have a really really big ass hole.

 

[GSRCRXsi]

Originally posted by Calesta@Apr 3 2004, 11:55 AM
I guess I just have a really really big ass hole.

from what?

this thread fucking rocks. now we just need a couple chicks to join this thread and tell us all how they dont fart or poop <_<

 

[phunky.buddha]

Girls fart and poop.

I had a girlfriend that told me that girls didn't fart... it just came out in little plastic bags that floated away and smelled like flowers.



I have really big everything for a guy my size... big shoulders, legs, huge mouth- you name it I got it. I guess I just take huge shits too- but that's all proportional right? I eat about 2 pounds of food at every meal, sometimes more- so it only makes sense.

 

[Tonyd0821]

I would also like to add to this list....

I call this one:

THE SPRINKLER


It happens when you are standing up in a urinal to take a piss, and you are in such a hurry that you forget to "shake" after you are done, or you dont shake well enough....usually happens when you are so fucking tired you can barely stand up.

inevitably, you wind up with a nice sprinkle of fresh piss on the front of your work pants....then you walk back into the office.