im wanna get my ass fired

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Just stop showing up, it's that simple. They will fire you for not showing up like 5 days in a row. so, start your vacation tonight and get hammered.
 
the part where ed norton like kicks his ass in front of his boss
and then security walks in and it looks like his boss beat the shit out of him, and then he got like full pay and a fax machine and a computer and shit, and didnt have to go in to work. you know the part.

that would be bad ass if that worked
 
yeah i remember it, but you should have included that in your first post instead of just saying "anyone seen fight club?" lol

anyways...

ed norton is slick as hell and insane at the same time during that scene, its fucking great.
 
i assumed that that would be the scene that came to mind....

i wonder if someone could really pull that off

ed norton is a great actor

he shoulda found a chic with bigger tits though.

edit: "Jack"/Tyler should have found a chic with bigger tits
 
just quit..... but give them something to remember you by :D

2 words: TOP SHELF
(also known as the "upper deck")



for those who dont know what top shelfing is, ill fill you in

it needs to be a toilet with the tank on the back with the removable top
pull the cover off the tank
get in a good position
drop a big fat steaming deuce in the tank
put the cover back on


now over the course of several days/weeks the deuce will start to deteriorate in the tank, every time the toilet is flushed the bowl will fill up with a "fresh" supply of brown shitty water... its gunna take them a little while to figure out why... and by then its too late

or you could just start shitting in the garbage can... that should get you fired pretty quickly
 
but they'd never know it was him.

start acting like a manager- order people around like your boss. they will feel threatened and let you go
 
do whatever you gotta do to lose your job
just make sure you top shelf the fuckers before you leave
 
Lets say you start work at 9am. Call in at 11am, ask for your boss, and ask him if he can clock/sign you in as if you came in at 9am. Just say it real quick, thanks, and bye. Then show up at 2pm, stay there for half an hour, and tell everyone your going to lunch. Lets say you get off at 5pm. Come back from lunch at 4:15, stay for 5 minutes, and just don't clock/sign out. Tell your boss your leaving and to clock/sign you out at 8pm. Then don't show up tomorrow and do this every other day.
 
go to baskin robbins and eat a triple scoop of the purple ice cream.

then leave a really blue top shelf for everyone.
 
Originally posted by Domeskilla@Sep 5 2003, 01:00 AM
take a shit on your desk and show your manager
Click to expand...

you just killed the shitting thing...
 
:lol: :lol: :lol: OMG, i am actually HURTING from laughing at all this shit!! wish i read this at work...when i needed it :D

well wouldnt you know...i found out tonight that i just MAY be able to pursue the career ive always wanted to pursue. flying! there are a few things i have to work out first but its pretty much a go. now im gonna need to keep my dam job to pay for all those expensive flying lessons. no, i didnt just make this up! and thanks for all the awesome support!!! :D
 
no i was thinking about this yesterday, here is what you do.

1. take a cell phone to fedex and haveit mailed to you at wotk.

2. when said phone arrives at wrok have one of your friends be waiting and watching for when it arives so they can call you as soon as it gets in your hands.

3. make sure you don't take it out of the package until it starts to ring.

4. answer the phne and just start freaking out yelling and screaming various things. ("it wasn't me" i wasn't there " "leave me alone"...) anything you want just freak out.

5. make sure you have your bosses attention, and run up to him grab his arm hand him the phone whisper in his ear "they want to talk to you".

6. run out the door.




















and for good measure shit on his desk on your way out.
 
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