How about this one?
Guy is sitting in a bar drunk off his ass... Ends up puking all over himself.
He realizes what he has done, and begins to cry. The bartender comes over to him and says:
"buddy... What happened? Whats wrong?"
"my wife is gonna kill me! I'm not supposed to be drinking now I got too drunk, and puked all over mysefl!"
"here's what you do.. Take one of these 20's you got, put it sticking out of your shirt pocket, and when you go home, tell your wife you were at a restaurant, and a guy walked by and accidentally puked on you... Then he gave you $20 in apology to pay for the dry cleaning"
The guy says GREAT IDEA! and heads home...
He walks in the door, and the wife begins SCREAMING at him... He explains what happened, and hands her the $20 bill... The wife says
"Whats the $20 in the other pocket for?"
"He shit in my pants too"
(Its funnier when told in person... hard to type it out)