In remembrance:
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
"If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter."
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans."
"When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?"
"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten"
"'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
"Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live"