>The Baby Photographer ( this is hilarious!! )
>
>The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
>
>"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
>"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
>
>"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
>
>"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
>
>"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
>
>
>"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith
>the picture.
>
>"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
>
>"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>
>"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
>
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
>
>"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
>
>"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
>
>"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
>
>The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
>
>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
>
>"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
>
>"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
>
>"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
>
>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
>
>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
>
>"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>
>"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
>
>"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
>
>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
>
>
>"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>
>
>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith
>the picture.
>
>"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>
>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
>
>"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>
>"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
>
>
>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"
>
>"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
>
>"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
>
>"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"