Man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, And asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man Standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half"
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way You got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. "Where are you from, son?"
"Wales, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Wales?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and Rugby Players back home."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Wales."
"No shit?!" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?
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A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their rabbi for counselling.
The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex?
Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!," replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah (good thing) within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man?
"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"No." says the rabbi.
"Why not?" asks the man.
"Could lead to dancing."
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1. It is important to find a woman who cooks, cleans up and has a good job.
2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important to find a woman who is great in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It is vitally important that these four women don't know each other.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man Standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half"
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way You got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. "Where are you from, son?"
"Wales, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Wales?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and Rugby Players back home."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Wales."
"No shit?!" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their rabbi for counselling.
The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women at the reception. But, we'd like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex?
Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!," replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah (good thing) within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man?
"No problem," says the rabbi. "It's a mitzvah!"
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!"
"Doggy style?"
"Sure! Another mitzvah!"
"On the kitchen table?"
"Yes, yes! A mitzvah!"
"Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?"
"You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!"
"Can we do it standing up?"
"No." says the rabbi.
"Why not?" asks the man.
"Could lead to dancing."
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1. It is important to find a woman who cooks, cleans up and has a good job.
2. It is important to find a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It is important to find a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important to find a woman who is great in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It is vitally important that these four women don't know each other.
to the second
to the third
