Well, I'm starting to lean toward stomach virus or something..
Got home last night, ate a little bit, puked my lungs out, ate more, puked more.. Decided eating sucked.. Took a bath and 3 tylenol extra strength nighttime flu pills.. Figured I'd just knock myself out.
Wrong..
I didn't sleep most of the night.. I had to get up every half hour because my ass was exploding. I had to stay perfectly still and perfectly quiet.. any movement or noise woke me right up.. So the wife tossing and turning all night last night sucked.
So I finally get to sleep about 6:00am and my wife wakes my ass up at 7:00am to say goodbye.. I wasn't nice.. I couldn't get back to sleep.. Thats ok, gotta get to the bathroom quick anyway...
So I decide I've got to stop shitting my brains out.. Its just no fun, so I drank about a third of a bottle of pepto and ate some oatmeal.. Hasn't come back up yet...
I go to get my keys and find a note from the wife.
Honey, I took your car,
mine has a flat and I don't
know how to use your tire thingie..
Hope you feel better!
Fuckin' GREAT. Those rims that she has have to be aired up by a specific tire tool.. which connects to the air compressor, which is in the shop in the back. Which is currently burried in with d-series transmissions and a dead block.. and a cherry picker.. and a crapload of tools..
So between shits, I run out to the shop and start digging. I manage to wrestle the compressor free and bring it to the front.. I get the bottle of tire "slime" <-- green goo with black chunks in it. But I can't find my damned valve stem remover.. oh well, fuck me.
The tire has been leaking for two weeks, and we have new tires on the way.. they are just taking their sweet time getting here. apparently, in my town, a 205/40/16 is an unheard-of unicorn like thing..
Fuck it.. I'll just slap some air in it.. I've done it several times already, and it'll last for another 3 days..
The wife comes home. I'm not happy at all.. She got new glasses today!! they are FUGLY on her. Horrible nasty looking.. But even mad as hell I don't have the heart to tell her that.. I'll wait till tonight.. I guess. Shes crying.. they gave the job that she has been trying for for 2 years to a co-worker.. She's fucking destroyed. I'm going to kick her boss's ass... after I get better.. I'm in no ass kicking mood right now.
Well, here I sit.. At work.. Still shitting my brains out but not as often. I could puke but I just don't want to. I HATE puking.. That would be on my top ten most hated things in life..
Right next to cold showers and women who nag.
I'm here, waiting for someone to need out of jail. Until then, I'll just sit.. trying not to puke..
**PHONE JUST RANG** I might make some money today!
nope... its Brandon Fucking Atkins.. A dipshit that has been in jail for months.. He is serving time and cannot be bailed out. He always calls here trying to get me to do a "3 way call" to his girlfriend. Its ALWAYS an emergency. STFU brandon, you can't have an emergency after being locked in a cement box for 6 months. Fuck you.
Well, the coffee is done.. Due to my 2 pot a day coffee habbit, I'm starting to get a massive headache because I've not had any caffeine yet today. So I get to try to swill down some nice hot coffee. My stomach will be thrilled.. It'll give me another big fuck you here in a little bit. I brought bluberries and cream oatmeal to work with me.. Instant. That'll taste great coming back up. With some nice warm coffee. I'm looking forward to it.
**Phone rings again** Its loretta little.. She calls me every fucking day and asks if she can skip her payment "this week". No way biatch.. I have to eat too. Her mom will be bringing in a $50 payment.. I made $100 earlier today.. Not bad for a sick ass biatch, eh?
Well, I suppose I shall close my story/rant now.. I might finish later. I might be sleeping.. that would be very nice.. sleeeeep...
