Girlfriends........

[adnoh]

How many of you have had your Girlfriend cheat on you and you gave them a second chance? How did it work out? Any success stories?
I found out my girl was unfaithfull just a few days ago. It happened like a year and eight months ago (we've been together for two years), and it only happened once. I totally ripped her life apart and left her in a parking lot crying for 4 hours by herself....made me feel good, but after everything was said and done, I decided to give her a second chance......pretty much just on the grounds that alot has changed between us since that happened.....and since it happened so early in the relationship. But still...the image of them has been forever burned in my mind.

Has anyone delt with this before?
What happened? Did it work the second time around?

Thanks guys......I'm in a really dark place right now. This blows.

 

[lsvtec]

Originally posted by adnoh@Jul 19 2004, 08:27 AM
How many of you have had your Girlfriend cheat on you and you gave them a second chance? How did it work out? Any success stories?
I found out my girl was unfaithfull just a few days ago. It happened like a year and eight months ago (we've been together for two years), and it only happened once. I totally ripped her life apart and left her in a parking lot crying for 4 hours by herself....made me feel good, but after everything was said and done, I decided to give her a second chance......pretty much just on the grounds that alot has changed between us since that happened.....and since it happened so early in the relationship. But still...the image of them has been forever burned in my mind.

Has anyone delt with this before?
What happened? Did it work the second time around?

Thanks guys......I'm in a really dark place right now. This blows.

[post=365147]Quoted post[/post]​

No way. They did it once they will do it again. I could never trust a woman that cheated on me.

 

[CRX-YEM]

I say it depends really.

take my case for example. I was dating a girl from freshman year in highschool, but I was always getting involved with other women at the same time. once a player always a player. did this all thru highschool, the best part is she only found out about one of them.

 

[mdlax1]

under normal circumstances.. i'd say the same as above and it has come down to that.. was with a girl for 2+ years she cheated and it was over right away after that 2+ year mark..

But if this chick cheated almost 2 years ago and you were still only 2 months into your "relationship" i wouldn't fret too much.. if you found out she did it 5 months ago.. yeah move on dont let it bother you..

 

[complicity]

lsvtec, thats not necessarily true with everyone.

true, people don't change, but i believe their habits do. if your gut says that she'll do it again, then you're more than likely right. but when a girl is left crying alone for hours on end, that shit sticks with her. thats happened to me once or twice and i've never forgotten it or how i made the other person feel.

did she tell you about it? or did you find out from someone else? if you found out from someone else and since it happened a long time ago then i would suggest leaving her alone, and she's prone to hide who knows what again. but if she told you about it, then chances are, she's looking for forgiveness because she really cares about you.

just a female perspective

 

[adnoh]

Actually, Im not too proud of how I found out. I found out on my own time..... heh...... I kinda knew something had been a bit shady the entire time.....you know, holes in her stories and all...... So I finally just said skrew it, and had her MSN messenger tapped. I know...I know.... I kept it on for two weeks and promised myself that if there was something on it then good...and if there wasn't then thats the last time I'd try. Well...turns out there was something.
So I pretty much told her to meet me somewhere, printed out what I had found, met her, handed her the pages and said "I told you I'd catch you"......then left.
She called me a few days later and confessed up to everything....told me everything about it and all........
Didn't at all seem like she was trying to hide anything.......She knew she was caught.

 

[TurboMirage]

you got rid of her for a reason right? remind yourself. :lolhammer:

 

[complicity]

she didn't tell you when it happened. that means that she was absolutley trying to hide it.

anyone can easily fess up when there's proof involved. it's if you come clean when you don't know if that other person knows or not that's what counts, that at least shows a little integrity and honor and respect for the other person, know what i mean?

 

[adnoh]

Originally posted by complicity@Jul 19 2004, 09:49 AM
she didn't tell you when it happened. that means that she was absolutley trying to hide it.

anyone can easily fess up when there's proof involved. it's if you come clean when you don't know if that other person knows or not that's what counts, that at least shows a little integrity and honor and respect for the other person, know what i mean?

[post=365164]Quoted post[/post]​

Ya no kidding. Her reasoning for it was that it was a huge freeking mistake......one she is still regreting......she's tried to get over it for a long time..... And she just didn't want to hurt me. The way I see it is if she wanted to go skrew around, and she really didnt want me, then she would have left long ago. Its been almost two years since it happened. But that totally doesn't deny the fact that it happened.....I will forgive her for it some day....But I'll never fucking forget it. NEVER. But we do love eachother very much.....I just feel totally betrayed.......And yes, if it happened like 5 months ago or something...I wouldnt be typing this topic....no question.

 

[complicity]

yeah, that totally sucks, i've been there before, on both ends. since you guys have been together for so long since it happened, i think you're right in assuming that if she wanted other people than she would have left long ago. it's possible to get through this as long as you're both being honest about everything and that you're working towards the same thing, know what i mean? it'll take some time thats for damn sure but if you both love each other then you should be just fine

 

[adnoh]

Originally posted by complicity@Jul 19 2004, 10:00 AM
yeah, that totally sucks, i've been there before, on both ends. since you guys have been together for so long since it happened, i think you're right in assuming that if she wanted other people than she would have left long ago. it's possible to get through this as long as you're both being honest about everything and that you're working towards the same thing, know what i mean? it'll take some time thats for damn sure but if you both love each other then you should be just fine

[post=365172]Quoted post[/post]​

Ya,.....that's pretty much where I'm at right now. It will take time to get the trust back...but I love her enough to give it a try. ......heh...I just want her to hurt right now......thats all I can think about.....and it has been making me laugh for the last 2 days........ "I love you...but DIE!!!!" ........

Thanks for the imput sister....

 

[lsvtec]

lsvtec, thats not necessarily true with everyone.

true, people don't change, but i believe their habits do. if your gut says that she'll do it again, then you're more than likely right. but when a girl is left crying alone for hours on end, that shit sticks with her. thats happened to me once or twice and i've never forgotten it or how i made the other person feel.

I have never been unfaithful to any woman that I have been with and I expect nothing less from them. I someone violated my trust like that once I don't think I could ever trust her again.

 

[adnoh]

Originally posted by lsvtec@Jul 19 2004, 10:23 AM

lsvtec, thats not necessarily true with everyone.

true, people don't change, but i believe their habits do. if your gut says that she'll do it again, then you're more than likely right. but when a girl is left crying alone for hours on end, that shit sticks with her. thats happened to me once or twice and i've never forgotten it or how i made the other person feel.

I have never been unfaithful to any woman that I have been with and I expect nothing less from them. I someone violated my trust like that once I don't think I could ever trust her again.

[post=365179]Quoted post[/post]​

That is exactly how I thought before all this shit happened....... I was just surprized with how I reacted when I was faced with the situation......
I totally agree with you dood......I am the same as you, in that Ive never cheated on anyone before and only expect the same...... I mean...there are other ways of exploring your options before you commit to someone than whoring yourself off.... But I love her man......thats the problem. And she loves me....and for some reason...I believe her. I dunno...wierd spot to be in.

 

[Battle Pope]

Cheating is cheating, regardless of how or when. A serious relationship's foundation is carefully formed through trust and patience. In my opinion, someone who cheats on me (or just a cheater in general) does not hold that trust in a position of value or worth. I have been with my girl for 2 years, and she's never cheated, or ever will (god forbid), because I can imagine how I'd feel to find out I'd thrown away years of my life trusting someone who puts no value in the relationship - because that's what it is... cheating is basically illustrating that the relationship has no value to this person.

 

[lowandslow]

tell her u were just kidding about the second chance, giver her a nice fruit basket and send her on her way

ive been cheated on in all 3 of my serious relationships, fuck having a gf...i never took any of them back. besides, one of them has a kid now and the other chick is married

2 days ago, 6 months ago, 1.5 years ago...it still happened. teach her a lesson in respect.

 

[adnoh]

Originally posted by Battle Pope@Jul 19 2004, 10:51 AM
Cheating is cheating, regardless of how or when. A serious relationship's foundation is carefully formed through trust and patience. In my opinion, someone who cheats on me (or just a cheater in general) does not hold that trust in a position of value or worth. I have been with my girl for 2 years, and she's never cheated, or ever will (god forbid), because I can imagine how I'd feel to find out I'd thrown away years of my life trusting someone who puts no value in the relationship - because that's what it is... cheating is basically illustrating that the relationship has no value to this person.

[post=365189]Quoted post[/post]​

Very true......
But the fact is........I personally dont know how much she actually did value our relationship after only two months of going out...we had just met and were getting to know eachother.....the thing is that now she does......she was just totally wrong in trying to put it behind her and forget it...she should have faced it in the first place......Thats pretty much the point she was trying to get accross to me. When she told me she loved me back then, and when she says it now, mean TOTALLY diffrent things.....you know what I mean??

 

[Battle Pope]

Originally posted by adnoh+Jul 19 2004, 11:01 AM-->

Battle Pope

@Jul 19 2004, 10:51 AM
Cheating is cheating, regardless of how or when. A serious relationship's foundation is carefully formed through trust and patience. In my opinion, someone who cheats on me (or just a cheater in general) does not hold that trust in a position of value or worth. I have been with my girl for 2 years, and she's never cheated, or ever will (god forbid), because I can imagine how I'd feel to find out I'd thrown away years of my life trusting someone who puts no value in the relationship - because that's what it is... cheating is basically illustrating that the relationship has no value to this person.

[post=365189]Quoted post[/post]​

Very true......
But the fact is........I personally dont know how much she actually did value our relationship after only two months of going out...we had just met and were getting to know eachother.....the thing is that now she does......she was just totally wrong in trying to put it behind her and forget it...she should have faced it in the first place......Thats pretty much the point she was trying to get accross to me. When she told me she loved me back then, and when she says it now, mean TOTALLY diffrent things.....you know what I mean??

[post=365194]Quoted post[/post]​

I totally see your point - in your case it is a bit different, I agree. After only 2 months of casual dating it is not likely that there was much consideration of the long-term effects of her actions - I'd say forgive... but don't let her forget...

 

[Sabz5150]

I took a g/f back once.

Lemme give you a piece of advice... Don't.

If she can throw the relationship to the side for a guy on the side, then she isn't worth it. Taking her back shows that she has a damn near unlimited level of shit she can get away with.

Now the only way you can be sure that she won't do it again is if she's on permanent lockdown. She'd better tell you where she's at, who she's with and above all she needs to never see 'that guy' again. EVER. She violated your trust and needs to start earning it from the ground up all over again.

Good luck dude, yer gonna need it.

 

[Sabz5150]

Originally posted by complicity@Jul 19 2004, 09:38 AM
just a female perspective

[post=365154]Quoted post[/post]​

Male perspective on that. WE get our cars keyed, tires slashed and windows shattered if we're even suspected of cheating.

Female perspective or not, the pendulum swings both ways...

 

[adnoh]

Originally posted by Sabz5150@Jul 19 2004, 11:12 AM
I took a g/f back once.

Lemme give you a piece of advice... Don't.

If she can throw the relationship to the side for a guy on the side, then she isn't worth it. Taking her back shows that she has a damn near unlimited level of shit she can get away with.

Now the only way you can be sure that she won't do it again is if she's on permanent lockdown. She'd better tell you where she's at, who she's with and above all she needs to never see 'that guy' again. EVER. She violated your trust and needs to start earning it from the ground up all over again.

Good luck dude, yer gonna need it.

[post=365205]Quoted post[/post]​

I already told her that if I even catch wind of her talking to that guy she's gone....no questions asked. And about putting her on "lockdown"...fuck it...she's on her own and she'll have to prove to me that she can do it....I'm not going to babysit her......I caught her once...I'll catch her again...she knows this.....you should have seen the look on her face when I gave her the pages with her conversation on it.......