Jokes For A Change!

We may earn a small commission from affiliate links and paid advertisements. Terms


Senior Member
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the

So I called him a pencil-dicked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't give a shit. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important!

Joke 2

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office.
As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
The doctor's office erupted in laughter
Why can't lesbians diet and wear make up?

because you can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay sitting on your face.
a guy walked into a bar and said "ouch".

hahahahahahahaha.... god i'm a loser.
Q: A hispanic, and african american, and an asian are all in a car, who is driving?

A: The cops

[**Disclaimer : I am not racist in anyway, but I love that joke!**]
What's the difference between a pizza and a (insert favorite racial slur here)?
A pizza can feed a family

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?
Anywhere else and it would be called a teethbrush
a girl goes to the store, gets Milk, OJ, Buttter.... brings it all up to the register... the guy behind her watches as she places the items on the counter, and says "so your single huh?"..... the girl looks at the items, doesnt see anything odd about them, and says"Ummm, yes actually I am, how did you know?"..... the guy replies "Cuz your fuckin ugly."
SO a clown and a little boy are walking through the woods, and the boy says to the clown, "boy these woods are scary," and the clown replies, "your telling me kid I'm walking back by myself."

Now for some of my favorites...Hellen Keller jokes...

How did Hellen Keller burn her ear?

She answered the iron.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog kill it's self?

You would too if your name was eeeeewaaaaaawwwwoooooo.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Why does Hellen Keller only masturbate with one hand?

Because she has to use the other hand to moan.
Not racist or anything, but.... I'm in MT.

How do you kill an Indian village?
Blow up Walmart.

How do you kill an Indian?
Throw a Jack Daniels off a cliff.

How do you kill an Indian?
Hide his foodstamps under his workboots.

How do you get 10,000 Indians in a car?
Throw in a welfare check.
How do you get them out?
Throw in a job application.