This is kind of turning into a lot of drama. A relationship shouldn't be made public like this. To this extent, anyway. If you need to post all of these things up there for people to dissect, then I'm sure it's only going to get worse from here. It also throws out there the idea that you're not ready for this kind of thing. I'm all for getting ideas from people, as pretty much everyone knows, but this is almost like you need a step-by-step. I think you should sit down and write out a battle plan. Steps that you want to take, and a time limit in order to execute them. No one knows better what's going on than you.
And I know this is hard, and everyone does it...probably a lot. But you should probably stop comparing her to how you were at that age. Reason one: the more you relate her to your experiences, the more attached you'll become and I think at this stage in the game, that's not healthy at all. Reason two, and I know you already know this, but you are two different people. What she does now may be similar, but not the same or for the same reasons. I think something to do that might work, is give her some time to get all this out. Don't say anything, act like it's okay, I think like you've said before. But don't take it all away at once. Let her know after some time that it's getting to you. If she doesn't change her ways, you'll slowly start to wean her off of the relationship. If she cares like she says she does (I'm sure she cares, but to the extent she implies), she will realize that in order to keep you around, she'll need to change. If she doesn't, she's either not ready for that kind of relationship, or she just needs to grow out of her unacceptable habits to fit someone else's lifestyle.