Back home again. Had a good trip. I met family I never knew I had. That one man (my grandfather) spawned more than 75 of us. He had 9 kids, they had kids, we had kids and some of our kids have had kids.. It was a real eye opener as to how big the family really is. I was able to visit my grandmother whom I have not seen in 14 years, among many other family members. They were pretty much fighting over us the whole time.. Who we stayed with, who got to feed us.. Its nice to be loved in such a way.
Funeral went as funerals go.. We packed a little church in Stonyford well beyond capacity with family and friends.. Church designed for maybe 100 people had 200+ in it. Everyone told stories and laughed and cried.
My grandfather was a huge guy. 6'3" (i think) and 300ish pounds. Not a fat man at all. Red skin and a big red beard.. And a heart to match his size. He was always robust and over the top with everything. "Rude and crude with a gigantic heart" as most put it.
He has been in bad health for the last several years.. Kidney problems, lung problems, heart problems, cancer, etc.. And he was getting up there in age as well.. But he just fought his way through it, never went down, never took a wheel chair or laid in bed sick. He just powered his way through it until he just couldn't take it anymore. Waited for my grandmother to go to church, walked behind the wood shed, and shot himself. He left a note to my grandmother saying that he just couldn't take it anymore and he was to the point of existing instead of living, and the pain had become unbearable.
Suicide has never touched either side of my family, ever. It was a tough thing to go through.. but I think I understand it now. He was a big proud guy and he didn't want to drag everyone and himself through a long, slow, painful death. I do wish he would have at least called to say goodbye, but I understand why he couldn't..
I'll miss him.