Happened to me too... fiancee broke up with me out of the blue

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I am really impressed with some of the advice given out. It used to tend to be contrarian and pessimistic. But now it seems with a lot of the growth of members, it has been awesome. This thread, among others. Kudos.

That's a pretty nice way of calling us old.

PIIDB AND POST PICS MANG!!!!!!

A little flashback to the old HS.
 
Hondaswap, a cold, hard, bitch.
ha!

The problem with "real" friends is that they know her too and can't really be truly objective to the situation. They already either liked her or hated her and their advice will have that backing on it.

It's also different in person. Sometimes it's just hard to say what you really feel because you don't want to make things worse.

I am really impressed with some of the advice given out. It used to tend to be contrarian and pessimistic. But now it seems with a lot of the growth of members, it has been awesome. This thread, among others. Kudos.
That's a pretty nice way of calling us old.
Yup! It is very true, especially of myself. I was pretty much a negative bastard. I've done a lot of growing up in the past 3 years. And honestly, a lot of it has come to me BECAUSE I was in relationships. So, it all circles back to my main point... It's worth it to be with someone, even if it all falls apart in the end and you end up in a sea of sorrow. Learn, grow, improve, and remember the good times YOU had, not WE had, and look forward to tomorrow when there are more to be made, with someone else instead.

IIDB AND POST PICS MANG!!!!!!

A little flashback to the old HS.
@reckedracing would be proud of this post :)






The hondaswap family is always here.
 
look at the bright side of things.

married-life-7.jpg
 
Pick up a new hobby. buy a cheap guitar and take lessons and practice a lot.
Get a drum set and annoy the shit out of her.
If you love someone you will never truly get over them. That's a good thing IMO. I'm glad I remember the few exs I really cared about.

Good memories, keep them, and move on.
I wholeheartedly agree. My college ex comes to mind. Just don't get drunk and apologize for something you did in 2007. She'll see a deeper meaning it it then you ever intended.
 
I feel like I'm starting to truly accept the fact that it's over. I'm beginning to think more about the future and what I've got to do, and what i want to do. She is working pretty hard on getting out of here, we were able to have a good talk about her leaving. I just gotta try to maintain sanity until she leaves for good, then deal with that heartache, and then move on.
 
i agree with the occasional argument is a good thing. my wife grew up in a house were you didnt talk about how you felt and I grew up in a house were if somthing was wrong you hashed it out. every 6 months or so she would just blow up scream and yell ready to move out. the next day she would settle down i would pry out of her what was bothering her and move on. after almost 9 years of being together she will talk to me when something is actually bothering her now instead of letting it build up. point being, if I had just said fuck it and walked away when she lost control of her emotions I wouldnt have the wife and kid that I have today. Some things are worth fighting/working for

and Im sorry that what I just posted completely goes against your last post lol
 
It's alright man, you mean well. She has fallen out of love with me, and its too late now. Even if we made up, I can't see it ever being the same. It's going to get worse before it gets better, I'm sure of that. but, I have realized how much support I have from friends and family, and the advice I've been getting here has been unbelievable.
 
i agree with the occasional argument is a good thing. my wife grew up in a house were you didnt talk about how you felt and I grew up in a house were if somthing was wrong you hashed it out. every 6 months or so she would just blow up scream and yell ready to move out. the next day she would settle down i would pry out of her what was bothering her and move on. after almost 9 years of being together she will talk to me when something is actually bothering her now instead of letting it build up. point being, if I had just said fuck it and walked away when she lost control of her emotions I wouldnt have the wife and kid that I have today. Some things are worth fighting/working for

and Im sorry that what I just posted completely goes against your last post lol
But that was early on in the relationship... not 8 years later.
 
Yup, this is what girls do. Pretty much the EXACT thing that happened to me.... Things were perfect until the very second that they ended and she can't explain why she feels that way. Guys want to try and work out problems and figure them out, make things right... Girls just turn off like a light switch and it's game over from that point on with 0 bother to even try to salvage it because it's a wasted effort because they have no idea what they are even feeling or can't express how they got there.


@house, are you interested in buying it? it may be a good opp for you if you want to stay there.

If you need time away, there's a couch up here if you want to head north for a few days or something.
Here is the thing gentlemen, those women of yours, don't have to explain or rationalize their decisions to you. They are grown ups and entitled to their own opinions and decisions that they should not be responsible for having to justify or explain to anyone. That is a courtesy can be extended buts its not a neccesity. Maybe she thinks you're a jerk or shitty lover and she's just taking the high road by trying not to rub salt in the wound. Trying to pry more information out of her is going to be counter productive and more hurtful in the long run.

Take it as a sign that there is nothing left if they aren't willing to explain things. You can try to work things out or fix it but you're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole at that point. Some people just need to accept decisions rather than attempting to change them. Acceptance is a YOU problem, not a her problem.
 
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This happened to my buddy about 9 years ago. She ended up sleeping with someone after the breakup. He left her house for a few weeks after the breakup. They ended up getting back together, got married 6 years ago and have a 3 year old. They are happy now, but she was 22 or 23 when this happened so she was still in that under 25 year old mindset. But it did work out for them.
 
Here is the thing gentlemen, those women of yours, don't have to explain or rationalize their decisions to you. They are grown ups and entitled to their own opinions and decisions that they should not be responsible for having to justify or explain to anyone who wants to know of wants a deeper meaning.
I disagree with this. While a 'deeper meaning' is a bit of a stretch, it's just immature and rude to do to someone who you supposedly cared about at least at one point.
Frankly, it's selfish.
And at the end of it all, it's just another sign that she isn't worth any more of your time because she doesn't care enough about you to even justify why you are shit to her now.
Acceptance is a YOU problem, not a her problem.
I do agree with this though.
 
I disagree with this. While a 'deeper meaning' is a bit of a stretch, it's just immature and rude to do to someone who you supposedly cared about at least at one point.
Frankly, it's selfish.
And at the end of it all, it's just another sign that she isn't worth any more of your time because she doesn't care enough about you to even justify why you are shit to her now.

I do agree with this though.
You agreed to both. You just explained why you think your partner having the autonomy of not having to answer to anyone, even when its a reasonable request, makes them a shitty partner. I didn't deny that. I pointed out the other side that it's childish to have those sort of expectations in the first place and then I edited in (because posting from phone) why it would probably be more hurtful and not fruitful to pry more information from someone. They may be guarding that information in an effort to protect your feelings.

Don't get me wrong. I value communication skills above all else. I'm a talker. There's just times to hold em and times to fold em.
 
If someone is unhappy with you or a situation.

Step 1) Ask why then shut up and listen.
Step 2) Self reflect based on what they did or didn't say.
Step 3) Attempt to re explain the situation as you heard it and as you feel about it.
Step 4) Try to find common ground. If you can't find common ground that is truly agreeable between both parties, move on.
 
Hanging in there. Really lack of sleep is the worst part, im feeling pretty shitty after 5 nights of minimal sleep. Im going to my brothers house this weekend to get away from here. She has started packing her shit. Says she will get more done this weekend while im not here. I only had one breakdown yesterday, but it did happen at work, which sucks. Luckily i have been with the same small company for many years, and everyone is cool and understanding. My work performance this week has not been worth a shit. I may have found a good room mate without even looking for one. We'll cross that bridge... right now, i just have to make it through the breakup.
 
Things are pretty much the same, although im feeling a little better. Finally able to get some better sleep and feel more normal at work. She has found a new place, but cant move in till the 1st. Ive seen her attitude change, where she is realizing how bad its going to suck moving out, and she seems to feel guilty about what shes done to me. This helps me to cope a little at least. Still pretty depressed, and the shitty monday at work today didnt help.

I just got done loading my kayak on the truck for the morning, havent watched the sunrise from my kayak in well over a month. Time to catch some bass and take a nice long paddle.
 
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